Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

bush

George Bush meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?" "Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

marksmanship

One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town. Everywhere he saw evidences of the most amazing shooting. On trees, on walls, and on fences there were numerous bull's-eyes with the bullet hole in dead center. The FBI man asked one of the townsmen if he could meet the person... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, May 16, 2016

irs

A man called to testify at the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper," the accountant replied. Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, May 14, 2016

service

I became confused when I heard the =word service"used with these agencies. Internal Revenue 'Service' U.S. Postal 'Service' Telephone 'Service' Cable TV 'Service' Civil 'Service' State, City, County & Public 'Service' Customer 'Service' This is not what I thought 'service' meant. But today, I... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

blind

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose. 'Oh please excuse me,' said the bunny. 'I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see.' 'That's perfectly all right,' replied the snake. 'To be... Sign in to see full entry.

measuring

Eino and Toivo, two upper Michigan handymen were hired to paint a flag pole and were going to be paid by the inch. As they were standing at the base of the flagpole looking up, trying as they may to figure how much to charge, a young woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We are supposed... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

the media

A Harley rider is passing the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage, and hits the lion... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, May 9, 2016

linguistics

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. "However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, May 8, 2016

you won't be going to championships if...

0. Your top player scores 20 points a game, but most of them are in the wrong basket. 9. You spend most of the game guarding the mascot. 8. Some of the players joined the team for the free headbands. 7. Instead of drinking Gatorade, team uses timeouts to moisturize. 6. Typical motivational speech:... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, May 6, 2016

your parrot died

At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Senor Humphrey? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country house." "Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died" "My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International... Sign in to see full entry.