Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Thursday, October 13, 2016

wise?

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. 2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative. 3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me. 4. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, October 10, 2016

how much?

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, October 7, 2016

advice

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, October 6, 2016

laws

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

room service

By the time you read through this you wil understand 'TANJOOBERRYMUTTS' The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service in a hotel... Room Service: "Morrin. Roon sirbees." Guest: "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service." Room Service: " Rye. Roon sirbees...morrin!... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, September 30, 2016

preparing for a bday

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out..... a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop some wood... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, September 29, 2016

bubbas pick up lines

1) Did you fart? cuz you blew me away. 2) Are yer parents retarded? cuz ya sure are special. 3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea I can't hold it in. 4) Do you have a library card? cuz I'd like to sign you out 5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? cuz I can see myself in em. 6) If you was a tree & I was... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

spoilage

Finally, a way to know what to pitch and what to save! THE GAG TEST Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night). EGGS When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime. DAIRY PRODUCTS Milk is... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, September 26, 2016

tombstone humor

Born 1903-Died 1942 Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was. ****************************** In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery: Here lies an Atheist All dressed up And no place to go. ****************************** In a London, England cemetery: Here lies Ann Mann,... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Larry's Proverbs

1. A day without sunshine is like night. 2.. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5. Remember, half the people you know are below average. 6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 7.... Sign in to see full entry.