dog's name
A man was out walking a dog, and a woman stopped to admire the animal. "What's your dog's name?" she asked. "Herpes," replied the dog's owner. "How....odd," said the woman. "Why Herpes?" "Because he won't heel." Sign in to see full entry.
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
Tuesday, March 14, 2017
what am i?
One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose. "Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see." "That's perfectly all right," replied the snake.... Sign in to see full entry.
Monday, March 13, 2017
ideal pet
A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, "Come on, a dog?" The owner says, "How about a cat?" The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do... Sign in to see full entry.
Sunday, March 12, 2017
waste not
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man. "We don't have any money for food." the poor man replied. "Oh, come... Sign in to see full entry.
Saturday, March 11, 2017
pc way to say stupid
*A few clowns short of a circus *A few fries short of a Happy Meal *An experiment in Artificial Stupidity *A few beers short of six-pack *A few peas short of a casserole *Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box *The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead *One Fruit Loop shy of full bowl *One... Sign in to see full entry.
curiosity
A man goes into an elevator, looks around and notices that he is alone except for this great, big, huge black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7' tall, 350 lbs., 20" penis, testicles - 3 lbs each, Turner Brown." The little man faints... Sign in to see full entry.
Friday, March 10, 2017
oh no you didn't!
Colin was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party. Then he had a bright idea. When the host answered the door, he found Colin standing there with no shirt and no shoes or socks on. "What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host. "A premature ejaculation," said Colin.... Sign in to see full entry.
Thursday, March 9, 2017
close shave
A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber, taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The man places... Sign in to see full entry.
Wednesday, March 8, 2017
where is
A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?" The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?" Again, the... Sign in to see full entry.
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
prizes
Tom, Dick and Harry were in the pub, a week before Xmas, enjoying a few quiet drinks, when they decided to get in on the Xmas raffle. They bought five $1 tickets each, seeing it was for charity. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize. Tom won the first prize - a whole... Sign in to see full entry.