* You dance and it makes the band skip. * You are diagnosed with the flesh eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live. * You put mayonnaise on an aspirin. * You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts. * Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side." * You... Sign in to see full entry.
Friday, May 12, 2017
Tuesday, May 9, 2017
THE ROBBER
A robber was robbing a house. All of a sudden someone said, "Jesus is watching you!" "What? Oh well," said the robber and he went back to work. When he started to pick up the VCR, he heard the voice again, "Jesus is watching you!" it said again. This time the robber pointed his flashlight at the... Sign in to see full entry.
Monday, May 8, 2017
groaner
Here's one for sam and adnohr Question: Why don't clams share? Answer: Because they are shellfish! Sign in to see full entry.
Sunday, May 7, 2017
high pregnancy rate
A little town in southern Illinois had a sensational birth rate, and scientists decided to visit the place and find out the cause. So the sociologists, anthropologists, birth control specialists and other concerned scientists moved to the town prepared to do a six-month study of the causes of the... Sign in to see full entry.
Saturday, May 6, 2017
Sex!
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody Allen "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004; Thanks for all the laughs) "There are a number of mechanical devices which... Sign in to see full entry.
Friday, May 5, 2017
anger management at its finest
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered,... Sign in to see full entry.
Thursday, May 4, 2017
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle. 2. Forgive your enemies but remember their name. 3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again. 4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to... Sign in to see full entry.
Wednesday, May 3, 2017
rodney
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me. What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me! Last week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, "Doc, I keep thinking I'm a dog." He told me to... Sign in to see full entry.
Tuesday, May 2, 2017
Your coworker has 8 body piercing and none are visible. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze. You can't remember...is... Sign in to see full entry.
Monday, May 1, 2017
in the bathroom
1. What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands. - Men's room, Lynagh's Bar. Lexington, KY. 2. No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her sh*t. - Men's room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, NC. 3. Beauty is only a light switch... Sign in to see full entry.