Bad Day at Black Rock
Panic Attacks. I hate them. Tomorrow will be a better day. Fibro flare, EFT helped calm the total body restlessness and calmed the pain. Sign in to see full entry.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Church
I went to church today for the first time since Richard got so sick we couldn't go. I grew up in this church since I was 3 years old. It really felt nice to be there. It was like putting on a warm, comfortable sweater. It was nice to be welcomed back so warmly. I had kept in touch through our minister and the parish nurse and an elder who called and came to see us but hadn't seen anyone else on a regular basis. Wednesday night is the annual Thanksgiving meal and I think I'll go. For years and... Sign in to see full entry.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Stuff
I got my closet put back together. Son, Blake, came over with cousin Shane and put my shelves back up. I managed to declutter and sort and put everything in a container so I can find it quickly. At least my stuff is not all over the floor and in the corners. Next week I need to get the Haven of Mercy to come pick up donations of clothes and the couch. I guess I'll try to sort through more of Mom's stuff tomorrow so I can donate more to the Haven of Mercy. I would like to have more than a path... Sign in to see full entry.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
A Wonderful Day
What a roller coaster! Anyway, I finished painting the closet and then I went to see my massage therapist and had a mineral salt and sugar scrub. Absolutely Heaven. My skin is so soft now and it was a great pain reliever. I felt Richards presence during my massage session. He held my hand. Mona has such good energy. I always get visitors when I have a session with her. She does Thai Herbal Ball Treatments also and I think I will have a session the next time I go see her. It opens energy lines... Sign in to see full entry.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
I Passed The Test And
All I had to do was BREATHE. The question looming over me since yesterday was, how much strength do I have left? After twenty-four hours of numbness and shut down, with a single breath and a jacuzzi soak, the answer came to me. I don't have to have any more strength because "I" cannot change what has happened this past year. "I" cannot change any future circumstances of sad events that may occur to those around me. Whatever happens is the path they chose to walk and I am merely a supporting role... Sign in to see full entry.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
This Is A Test and Only A Test
I had to go get my passport card this morning. As I was pulling out of my driveway, I saw my KiKi lying dead in the middle of the road. He was lying exactly where my big Gray got killed. I had to call Blake to come get him. I couldn't do it. So I have to ask, how much Strength do I have left? There are no words left at present. Sign in to see full entry.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Energy Flow Changes
Woke up at 4am and rearranged the bedroom to maximize the flow of Chi in the bedroom. My bed now has a solid wall behind the head and my mirror no long faces the foot of the bed. I actually have more room this way. I've stayed in bed all day to acclimate to the energy flow. The cats like it so I guess it is good. It does feel good. I also got the closet cleaned out and now I need to paint the closet before I fill it up again. I got my new birth certificate today so I can get my passport card... Sign in to see full entry.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Changes
A full day. I finished all my shopping for the cruise this morning. I had found a black dress on line at jCPenneys but decided not to buy it then went to the Walmart and found a dress that looked almost exactly the same and was on sale for 11.00. I bought a glitzy rhinestone button to sew on it and some voile black ribbon to iron around the waist and I now have a black cocktail dress. I also found the cutest dress shoes at Walmart to wear and they are flats so I won't have to worry about keeping... Sign in to see full entry.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
A Hard Day
Actually a hard week. I am so exhausted but cannot really rest. My balance is off and my mind is fogged and scattered. Guess I'll just rest and watch NCIS. Sign in to see full entry.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Feeling the Love
I managed to reach a state of bliss meditating this week. It was as if I connected to Richard and since I felt a strong connection of Love and have a very peaceful feeling descending over me and the house. I have been sorting Richards clothes and I'm finding it to be very exhausting. I guess it is the emotional drain more then physical. I was wanting somewhere to put my "stuff". I'm racking my brain about where to put some shelves in the bedroom to put my "stuff" on. It suddenly dawned on me... Sign in to see full entry.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
A Cruise
I've been invited on a cruise by my ex. It started with an invitation for May and I said probably and then he moved it to December. I was very conflicted and was not sure I am emotionally or physically ready to go. He came up to go out to eat with Brooke and Scott and me last weekend and I was going to say no but he had already booked the cruise. He was so proud that he was doing something to make me happy, I could not say no. The kids and all my family are excited that I am taking time for... Sign in to see full entry.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Finishing the PaperWork
The funeral home called today and Richard's Death Certificates were ready. I filled out all the paperwork to assign insurance to pay for the funeral expenses. I then went to the Cemetery and picked out a background for a memory picture of Richard with one of my poems. I forgot his DD214 to order his foot stone from the VA but I have to go back next week to pick up the memory poem. On my way back home a man flagged me down and had blood running down his forehead and tried to get in my van. He... Sign in to see full entry.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Solace for the Grieving
I was reading an article on Beliefnet about offering support for the grieving. One of the tips was to bring soup and ice cream because having to chew food is overwhelming. I thought I was just going through a strange phase. Just the thought of chewing food is nauseating. I miss Richard so much. Tomorrow I have to go and get his death certificate and finish all the paper work. Reality hits home. I have loved him for so many life times and we are so connected and I will love him until the end of... Sign in to see full entry.
Spunky and Midnight
Weekend visitors. Halloween party tonight so I get to keep the grand dogs. It is so strange to just go out whenever I want to. Brooke called and invited me over to eat and watch TN and AL play before their Halloween party and it took me a few minutes to realize I could go without making plans for Richard. Brooke had fixed chili and it was very good. I was very impressed. She had her house decorated to the max for Halloween. Even with a bloody pool and dry ice for a neat effect. I brought the... Sign in to see full entry.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Releasing The Soul
I've watched you die day by day; these many, many months. Watching, waiting, praying for life, praying for a peaceful death and knowing death would come one day or night, announced or unannounced. The journey long and lessons learned before acceptance came. The fear of death kept you here each time you knocked on God's door. Then, my prayer was answered and your angels came to guide your way. Each day a little glimpse of Heaven to show you the beauty and love awaiting. But still you held on to... Sign in to see full entry.