Things That Go Bump In My Night

Monday, June 13, 2011

Sickening Reality Shows

Tartar sauce...really? Tartar sauce on cake and cookies? Tartar sauce straight from the tartar squeeze bottle? Yuck... Last night as I surfed through the channels and successfully avoided watching another bad Nicolas Cage movie like "Con Air" I stumbled on a program about whacky and freaky food... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Running Into Old Friends From High School

Okay - so I wasn't the sharpest tack in the box but I made my way through junior high school. At least that was what they called it back in the olden days - but I was the lead chair violin player in the orchestra / a bad (really really bad) majorette / the lead singer in the chorus concerts (by big... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Those Cool Dead Days Of Silence

When no one speaks. When you kind of pass each other in the hall. No eye contact. When you are just there... The end of a relationship or love affair always ends this way. Nothing left to say. We have the pictures. Always a song or two. So sad this breaking up thing. Crying one moment / angry the... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Just Take The $2.14 and Give Me The Damn Dirt!

Why does every transaction in this world nowadays have to be scanned? Can't I just give you my money and you give me the shit? My first cash transaction was at the butcher shop buying penny candy when I was 3 years old. I gave them my pennies / they put the coins in a cigar box / bagged up my candy... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I Want To Hit My Neighbor Over The Head With A Shovel

He is an asshole...pure and simple. And I know that he verbally abuses the wife and the stepdaughter every day. So I am sitting on my front porch grooving to my new Bistro Set chairs and citronella candles and some other shit when I see him fall in the front yard after being discarded from a dump... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Wait A Minute - Just One More Thing...

Anne Coulter - what can I say. I saw the little sniglet from The View and she was in rare form as expected. But isn't she always. Does she even sleep? Does that mind of hers ever stop thinking long enough to catch a couples of zzzzzsss. She is irritating / entertaining / rude / intelligent / pretty... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

How Do People Practice To Do Splits On Ice Skates?

I can't even do a split on the floor let alone 5 feet in the air going about 60 miles an hour on two blades. Come to think of it - I can't even ice skate. How do people practice for this? What do you do - just let go and try to split on flat ice / wear a helmet and try to jump a little bit / who... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, January 2, 2009

"Mom - The Doctor Farted During The Examination!"

"What did you do?" "Nothing" "What did he do?" "Nothing". The Little Diva was getting her yearly eye exam today and I left her there with Mr. Man and scooted to the grocery store in the strip mall for a quick load of weekend food. Since I can't drive I must take these opportunities seriously because... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

When Your Kid Has The Stomach Flu

Icky Icky Poo-Dee-Doo. Just plain yuck. Poor Little Diva has had the stomach flu for 3 days and it ain't pretty. The only opening in her body that wasn't projecting fluids was her ears and I was getting worried. Now every parent knows that "you have to be there" but it is really gross to deal with... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Pigging Backing On Stop Signs and Other Traffic Tricks

Did you ever notice when you are at a multiple stop sign that someone always tries to "piggy back" the other driver and run straight through? I hate that. Plus when you wave someone on they don't wave or beep back? Now sometimes I can't see them - bad eyes - or it is at night and I have no idea what... Sign in to see full entry.

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