Warped thoughts

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

What’s the deal?

Not so long ago, or maybe it was a long time ago, America was introduced to yogurt. Since then we have seen the upside-down Yoplait containers. What the heck? Are you challenging us to stick our tongues into those strangely tapered cups to get the last dollop? Now it seems Greek is all the rage. I would be less that honest if I didn’t say, “I don’t get it!” Also, can you freeze Greek yogurt? I mean, Greece isn’t exactly a place that is associated with freezing things. What is next,... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Time to play with headlines

These are real headlines from msnbc.com, the rest are a product of a very warped mind. Two charged in Kate Middleton topless photo case Well, this joke practically writes itself! Which two? Uhm, could that be left and right? And all this time we thought the Royal Boobs were Charles and Camilla! Clenching your fists creates stronger memory Ok, I usually clench my fists after my memory has failed. I forget why. Sometimes when I am driving and I commit the tiniest infraction, I see folks who are... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

I just can’t help it.

More headlines and what they make me think. What’s in a name? Pope’s choice could predict churches path. Well sure, if he call himself “big boss pope with the tall-assed hat” I suppose it could get weird. Or if he chose “Hoss” and put some spurs on those little red shoes he could be the rootenest-tootenest pope ever! My money isn’t on either of those, truth be known. LA Archdiocese settles four sex abuse cases for $10 million. Well, I don’t think this guy has a chance! Who would vote for pope... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Every day, more headlines, more comments

Exposing Vatican secrets is ‘dangerous,’ says Vatileaks Ok, if it’s dangerous, why is it happening? Why is “Vatileaks” doing it? What is Vatileaks, a competitor of Wikileaks but with a holier than thou attitude? Apparently Vatileaks never listened to it’s mother’s stern warning about jumping off the cliff just because everyone else it doing it. How the next pope will be chosen, step by secret step So, if they’re secret, how do we know them? Shouldn’t these folks heed the headline that was just... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Real headlines and stuff I just totally make up.

Berlusconi sex scandal trial delayed for eye treatment. You know, I’ll bet it was to treat the eyes of the jury who had to watch the “evidence” as the search for truth probes the hidden recesses of depravity. Berlusconi himself quipped, “so I got caught, it’s better than catching something!” Grainy film at eleven. Ben Laden son-in-law pleads not guilty to terror charge. Really? Now who didn’t see that coming? He will probably say something like, “I miss my father-in-law, but Seal Team Six... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Headlines and comments

Olive Garden promises cheaper food, more options. Just when I had it narrowed down to the cheapest thing because I was already swamped with choices! How many more ways can you make pasta? Maybe a pasta sandwich? Pasta Burger? Tuna casserole pasta? What wine goes with Catfish Primavera? Ok, I made that last one up, the tip off would be the Catfish. Two rats cooperate telepathically via brain implant. What at first might seem like a monumental waste of time, could in fact have far reaching... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Academy Award anyone?

Why does it matter to us who the best actor in a foreign film set in a foreign country directed by a Canadian not named Guy La Fleur is? There are so many freaking categories it is hard to go to the awards and not take home some hardware. For instance The most gratuitous use of a flatulence sound effect in a serious movie starring people who’s names begin only with the letter W. Let’s not forget Dennis Miller presenting the Award for the most obscure reference to the Pope in an Australian film.... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Headlines and head scratchers

Smuggled sperm: Palestinian prisoners become fathers from Israeli jail. Oh really? Since they are not allowed conjugal visits, these prisoners have resorted to smuggling, well, stuff out of jail and no, it’s not a file in a birthday cake. Rather it is the makings of a birthday cake. How do they do it? Beats me. But not apparently them. According to the story a woman smuggled her son’s sperm out of the jail, relax, it wasn’t in the Ozarks, it was for her daughter-in-law. Sort of puts a new... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Up your asteroid

Global warming, earthquakes, giant storms all take a back seat to what could happen if we (Earth) ever get smacked by a giant space rock. While an asteroid was being carefully tracked with the assurance it would whiz by our planet harmlessly, another chunk of space stuff streaked in unannounced and caused several Russians to poop their pants! It could happen again tomorrow and it was hinted that it could have happened any number of places where we wouldn’t have been any the wiser. The effort to... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

The Pope hangs up his robe.

Spoiler alert, if you are Catholic and you don’t have a sense of humor, don’t blame me if you continue to read and are offended. I will accept responsibility for smirks. The Pope hangs up his robe Unprecedented in modern times, the Pope is resigning before he dies. Of course, no one is sure if he has retirement since no one has used it in 600 years. To be sure, the fund should be fairly well built up by now. The Pope cited health issues and Crapload News has an exclusive interview. Reporter... Sign in to see full entry.

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