Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Disney Land grows up
In a nod to a more educated clientele, Disney Land is adding a new attraction, Physics World. Inside one travels through dioramas of the marvels of physics from the very large (the big bang) to the very small (Richard Feynman’s mad quark ride). On one part of the ride, the visitors finds themselves transported to a land of anamatronic quarks who sing in a particularly irritating voice, “It’s a parallel universe after all!” endlessy while we see the juxtaposition of Hitler as a brilliant comic...
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Thursday, May 28, 2009
Questions you hope you never have to ask, or answer for that matter.
If you get a penis transplant, does it come with an “extended” warranty? And is that warranty for longer than four hours? You never know when you might have to know, you know?
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Sunday, May 17, 2009
Sunday Funnies
No Shirt – No Shoes – No Cervix, sounds like a guy thing to me. Speaking of guys…we find the Lonely Ranger and Tonto in a rather strange situation. Tonto: Kemo Sabe, this loincloth make butt look fat? LR: No, Tonto, in fact I was just admiring the way the flickering campfire light dances off your deeply muscled bronze thighs. Tonto: Me hear strange things happen in these hills. LR: Yes my fine feathered friend, the Brokeback Mountains have been said to have a strange affect on the men who enter...
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Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Quotes that might have been
We find William Shakespeare downing a few pints with friends in the neighborhood pub. The conversation is enthralling and a few charming ladies are hanging on his every word. But, alas, the ale has gone to his bladder and he is nearly squirming as his urgency grows by the minute. He is afraid that if he leaves to go to the bathroom, Sir Francis Bacon will away with the wenches and the Bard of Avon will have no one calling. That angst, with some modification begat one of his better known lines,...
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Sunday, May 10, 2009
The adventures of dining out
Mother’s Day and lots of us will take our dear mommys to a fine restaurant to treat her to a meal. Everyone is anticipating a sumptuous repast and looking forward to surreptitiously loosening their belts, well at least us guys are. As Robbie Burns so aptly noted: “The best laid plans aft gang agley!” Now you don’t have to be a Gaelic scholar to know what that means, you just have to have been disappointed at a less than fine dining establishment. Such as the place we went today. In the past,...
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Blogger falls off edge of his garage
“You really need to keep me!” said the old box covered with spider webs and dust. I stood in the middle of a garage full of old boxes covered with spider webs and dust and they all seemed to beseech me to keep them. But in the hard light of day, I had to interrogate them all. “You there” I commanded, “yes, you, full of old paint cans that have been around since the Carter administration, what can you possibly do to make my life easier?” Of course, old dried up paint cans can’t talk so off to the...
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Monday, May 4, 2009
Drunken doctors
A little known “fact” – patients seeing a certain doctor, who was fond of imbibing, were curious about their aliment. It seems after drinking copious amounts of Merlot, they all fell ill. The doctor, who had been right there with them mumbled, “S’wine flu” and a worldwide scare was born. Maybe I shouldn’t joke, but the only pandemic I see is a worldwide media focus on anything but the economy. That said, I am off to consult with America’s newest car conglomerate, Chrysler, Fiat and an unnamed...
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Sunday, May 3, 2009
Its true - I think
While you may lead a horse to water, you can’t lead a cat anywhere!
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Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Modern times
Time, it has been said, flies when you’re having fun. I have news for who ever said that, it also flies when you're doing things mundane. Just today I was inquiring about pickup prices and the particular model I am interested in, a regular cab truck, isn’t available in the 2008 and 2009 models. I was told, however that it would be available in 2010. I sighed dejectedly thinking about having to drive my old clunker for a couple more years. Then the salesman said they would be getting those in...
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Friday, April 24, 2009
The invention of economic bailouts..sort of.
We find Og and Zog on a hunting and gathering mission. Og: So Zog, how is retirement planning coming along? Zog: Not good, since Cave Street fiasco, nest egg all gone. Og: Ponzy scheme? Zog: No, me put all eggs in one basket. Og: How many times I tell you diversify? Zog: Me had chicken eggs, duck eggs, goose eggs, Platypus eggs, Ostrich eggs, how much more diverse can me get? Og: But all in one basket, that big problem. Zog: Me know! When saber tooth tiger scare crap out of me, drop basket and...
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