Sunday, June 15, 2008
Don’t bother me, I’m multi-tasking!
Men have been accused of only being able to do one thing at a time. Not true. Take me for instance, I can sit in a chair (1) watch TV (2) drink a beer (3) talk on the phone with my brother (4) discuss whether Jr. should have only taken 2 tires on that last pit stop (4) madly flip through channels during the commercials (5) and lastly, but certainly not least, scratch my “private area” (6). Of course all this tires me out so I have to revert to that one mono task men do so well, take a nap (1)....
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Thursday, June 12, 2008
Trying to keep abreast of the times.
I have a breast, two in fact, but I keep them hidden under my shirt, which is why its called an undershirt, doncha know. Old man breasts scare and confuse children, or so I’ve heard. Mine aren’t pouty, just fuzzy. Wow it’s sure hard to stay relevant these days. I could just ask the age old question, “what are those big things on each side of Dumbo’s head?” but that would be irrelevant. Give it a few minutes, you’ll be banging your head on the keyboard for sure. Another thing for sure, my keys...
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Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Woman marries Eiffel Tower…
Honeymoons in Paris! Ya think? A 37 year old named Erika La Tour Eiffel (now) has an unusual condition called Objectum-Sexuality or a severe fetish for inanimate objects. What I want to know is, who gave away the groom? Only in France could the groom remain erect through the whole ceremony. Did they consummate the marriage? STOP THAT! I’m sorry, I can’t help it, the whole thing is too ludicrous not to be real. I keep having thoughts like, “hey, if she’s pregnant, will she give birth to an...
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Monday, June 9, 2008
Beggin for mercy
Heard the song? Catchy little number, done by a girl named Duffy from Welshland. I think. I heard it on the radio and have been wondering who she was. Now I know, sort of. I also know that there is a “big” controversy over the videos of that song. Haven’t heard of that earth shaking blog topic? Just go to You Tunes and search Duffy and you will see the two video and all the terribly earnest posts about the two videos. Oh, yes there are bigger issues out there these days, but this one grips the...
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Saturday, June 7, 2008
Be a smart shopper.
Avoid tire shops that have blowout sales. Be wary of pool and spa stores advertising liquidation sales. Maybe at a quarry with rock bottom prices you will turn over a bargain or two. I hate any kind of sale-a-thon or sale-a-bration. Our town has annual sidewalk sales and moonlight madness sales, thinly disguised events designed to get rid of old and out of date stock. American icons can’t be taken seriously unless they have their own sales, witness the president’s day sales and now even Martin...
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Monday, June 2, 2008
Polly who?
Sorry, its polygamy, my bad. Welcome to Salt Lake, land of many wives, oh, excuse me, they are in Texas now? Do the Texans know about this? Well of course they do, unless they live in a cave or have no access to the media. I’ve been thinking about this and I have a few thoughts on the subject. First, why are polygamists always men with many wives? Are there any sects where a woman has many men? Probably not, although it would increase the chances of the garbage actually getting taken out. Or at...
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Sunday, June 1, 2008
A long strange trip
Gretchen and Garland Hill were found in their apartment, with no pulse and no respiration, apparently overcome by gas fumes. As the ambulance crew rushed them to the hospital, they came upon a traffic jam caused by a rock band making a video. The ambulance crew attempted to explain their need to get through, but were unable to make themselves heard above the performance of the band. It was at that moment, the back doors of the ambulance opened up and the dazed couple stepped into history, none...
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Saturday, May 31, 2008
A note from beyond
Brought to you by Side Effects, the new drug that does everything but make you feel better. It has been a while since I last posted, the result of weekends of play and weeks of 12 hour days. Today was only 10 hours so that’s not so bad. Then I had to mow the lawn, not because it needed it, but I couldn’t walk around out there shirtless since the grass was tickling my armpits. Several third world countries have contacted me about buying the clippings to feed their livestock. How tall was it? NASA...
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Thursday, May 22, 2008
Some assembly directions required
Lines, arrows and pictures. That’s what substitutes for directions in these globally politically correct days. No longer are we subjected to the excruciating “slot B, tab A” kind of thing. We all know how esteem robbing that can be. Father: Slot A, tab A, what th….. oh no! I can feel my esteem draining from my assembly challenged ego and I’m only reading the directions. Mother: Quick dear, read the Democratic party mission statement, you’ll feel better fast. Father: Oh yes, if a Democrat is...
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Monday, May 19, 2008
Just fiddling around.
Why not fiddling a square? That’s what I want to know, and inquiring minds do too, I’ll bet. People say, “oh fiddle sticks” or something like that, but you don’t play a fiddle with sticks, you play drums with sticks and fiddles and their highbrow cousins, violins, with bows. No arrows though, which while it may be besides the point, that would be a good thing if you were the target for outrageous slings and arrows. But back to the first point, which coincidentally, is beside the point, why...
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