Sunday, March 22, 2009
Rock groups and albums someone needs to make
Black Box, by the Air Crash Survivors. Really, shouldn’t rock groups have names that imply chaos? What would the songs be like? How about, “Have you seen the suds on the Hudson?” followed by the B side, “Upright and locked” and the unforgettable, “ballad for Sully.” If you like that, then you will surely love Velvet Straightjacket with their new release Head like a blender full of teddy bears. The number on one single would have to be “An eye for an aye.” A real group you need to be familiar...
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Saturday, March 21, 2009
AIG
What does it all mean? Maybe, if you take the hubris of the recipients of the bonuses (bonii?) it means “Ain’t I Great!” And what of the government who gave the money so they could pay the bonii, does that make Paulson the boner doner? Never mind the double entendre, its more like a multi-million intentionally if you ask me, and I know you did. Do the folks at AIG (All Is Good) even have a clue why the rest of us are pissed? Of course not, they are filling their swimming pools with champagne and...
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Monday, March 16, 2009
Spam? BLAM!
Its time to check out the old spambox again. Who are these people sending this stuff? AIG employees looking for yet another way into my bank account? It could very well be. Look at these names! Ykicyt Costello writes, Answer to your request. Well Ykicyt, I would certainly remember had I sent you a request. Maybe you need to hook up with Gjveemuy rixy who tells me I have a credit card error. Oh really? And why do I suspect if I answer your e-mail and provide my credit card number, just to make...
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Thursday, March 12, 2009
Are you old enough?
To remember Carters Little Liver Pills? Considering how much I dislike liver, it’s a good thing they weren’t big liver pills. How about Doan’s back pain relief pills? Good old Doan, run out of business by Zantac. When I grew up it was a choice between Speedy Alka-Seltzer and Bayer Aspirin. The new kid on the block in those days was something called Bufferin. As if that weren’t enough to deal with we suddenly found out our headaches could be Excedrin headaches. Then an avalanche began to rumble...
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Saturday, March 7, 2009
On the nature of humor
What is funny? A man stands in front of a building. The front of the building falls over and miraculously, he is spared as a door opening drops right where he is standing. We all laugh. This Buster Keaton clip is a classic in the world of comedy and features that tendency to find things that could have been potentially harmful, or even death full to be funny. We also find drunk people funny, when it is a comedian imitating a drunk person. Drunk people on their own, not so funny. So it is when I...
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Thursday, March 5, 2009
New TV shows
Crapload News uncovers TV shows the networks have ready just in case their usual mindless fare needs to be replaced. I mean, what if the Survivors don’t Survive? First we have the story of a family man, a doctor who specializes in silicone implants. This half-witty situation comedy borrows from a favorite ‘50s show both in theme and title. Yes, you’re sure to love “Father knows breast!” Madonna stars in a story about a female detective who doesn’t like to shave her body, tentatively titled,...
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Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Train of thought derailed –or- I digress.
My Rorschach test came back B-positive. I paid for it with a check from AIG (Ain’t I Great!) that bounced before the ink was dry on the dotted line. It was then I realized the pen I used was really a mechanical pencil, the same one they use on Wall Street, a Neversharp. Everyone says (well almost no one, unless they are in a position of power) the economy is fundamentally sound but can you blame me if I’m skeptical? Brother can you spare me a paradigm? Sometimes you have to take two old-time...
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Sunday, March 1, 2009
Words of Wizdumb
You can lead a skunk to boiling water but you still can’t make tea. Just one of the things you will need to know as we meander down this road we call life. We find: The Revolutionary army shivering through the winter at Valley Forge. General Washington bursts from his tent, obviously angry, glares at the sputtering campfire and shouts, “hey, awe dose by teef?” It was the low moment of the war but soon history was being carved out of a nearby tree across the river. When it was complete, an...
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Friday, February 27, 2009
Do you want fries with that?
Ok, what if Chesley Sullenburger married Ronald McDonald, divorced him, married Ben Roethlisberger, divorced him and them married Ronal McDonald again, would that make him a double cheese burger?
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Thursday, February 26, 2009
I lost my sense of humor!
I just had it, now where did it go? Next to my car keys? Which must be next to my glasses and of course my false teeth. Oh right, I don’t have false teeth. I wonder who’s these are? I do know if they were mine, they would have bitten me on the butt. I know we all say “bite me” on occasion, but do we really mean it? I think not. Now there is a true statement for you. Oops, I mean me. Also not one you want to say when you applying for a job at a think tank. One day at the Will Think for Food Think...
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