Warped thoughts

By food4thought - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Thursday, November 9, 2017

And now a few words about

Car names. I am a car geek and I confess I don’t know what it is about these piles of chrome, steel and plastic that get me revved up but that’s just that's just the way it is. The first time I felt a stirring in my mechanically inclined brain was when I saw my first Corvette. Ah, the pride of the only American sports car. Then there was the Thunderbird, sleek and with the right glass pack mufflers it lived up to its name. There were Fairlane 500s, Bel Aires and the vaunted Impala, all... Sign in to see full entry.

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Saturday, November 4, 2017

And now, a few words about politics

Actually the fewer the better, but let me press on! First, from Webster’s – 1. The science of government. 2. Political affairs. 3. Political tactics, methods, etc. 4. Political opinions, etc. 5. Factional scheming for power. Well, let’s break it down, really there is science to government? I think we need to see the proof of that politicians and please include your work, double spaced on college ruled paper. Political affairs indeed, it will all come out in the wash, just ask Anthony Weiner’s... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 11:08 PM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Wisdom of aging…

The backs of my feet are starting to build thick callouses and crack all the time. It is really annoying but it does point out that old truth, “time wounds all heels!” Sign in to see full entry.

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Thursday, January 19, 2017

One foot at a time.

I got some new shoes, the ones with memory foam. They are really comfortable but I think they may be defective. I can never remember where they are! Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 3:59 PM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Things thought of but I have no idea why. If you think about it long enough you realize that Picasso probably could talk out of the other side of his face. Consider: A banana walks into a bar. The bartender says “why the long face?” The banana replies, “no, you’ve got me confused with the horse.” “Oh yeah” the bartender quips, “unless you are a horse of a different color.” The banana eyes the bartender up and down then striking a sexy pose asks, “don’t you find me appealing?” The bartender,... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 2:38 PM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, April 8, 2016

LAWNMOWER BLUES

Spring, and a man’s fancy turns to anything but lawn mowing. Darkness has enveloped eastern Washington and with it comes the chill of evening that is even chillier than the chill of day. After many hours putzing with his lawnmower, the do-it-yourself yard equipment maintenance technician considers keeping warm by setting fire to the old yellow Coast to Coast refugee from the junkyard mower that he has been working on for the past two weeks. The valves have been massaged and re-seated, the head... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:28 AM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Things I can’t help but think

Every time I listen to or watch a baseball game, it seems to always come up and goes something like this: “Well Slugger MgGee is doing very good this season. Last season he struggled but then during the off-season he had Tommy John’s surgery and the improvement is outstanding.” It is then that I get sad and wonder: “Gee, what about poor Tommy John? All these guys getting his surgery and he is still in the waiting room reading a National Geographic from 1957. When oh when will it be his turn?”... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:23 PM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Maybe I need a hearing aid.

Sometimes, as I watch TV I mis-hear things that cause me to go, “wait!,what?) So it was the other night when the promos for Chicago Fire came on, followed by the promo for Chicago Police Department (or whatever its called) followed by the promo for Chicago Med. The first time they ran through this gamut of promos I wasn’t paying too much attention and thought I heard an added promo for Chicago Vet. Right away I knew dyslexia had kicked in and there was no such thing as Chicago Vet, yet I... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:28 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, March 26, 2016

CRAPLOAD NEWS exposes Easter Bunny

After years of experience at hiding eggs, the Easter Bunny (Rabbit EggHidius) is about as effective as an air traffic controller, even little children are still able to find them. Why doesn’t the Easter Bunny get any better at hiding eggs? Now for a hardboiled report from ace reporter Kant Stoptalkinboutit. For the lowdown on this story, let’s hop to it. Ever since the Easter Bunny decided to hide eggs, apparently in an attempt to store food away for leaner times, people have been finding those... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:18 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, October 24, 2015

Life in the fright lane

Our streets and roads are filled with idiots. What are my qualifications for making such a statement? I am a professional driver, school bus driver in particular and while I am ferrying precious cargo in my yellow stretch limo I have plenty of chances to observe those who do not follow the same rules I am sworn to adhere to. First and foremost, cell phone usage. I lose count of the number of folks I see every day yakking away on their cell phones blowing through intersections, not yielding the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:15 AM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

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About this Blog

Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an occasional pun. All original, I only tell jokes at parties.

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