Sunday, August 23, 2009
There’s a skunk in the garage!
I don’t mean to raise a stink, but we just discovered a skunk in our garage. I would rather have a cougar or a porcupine in my garage than a skunk. Oddly enough, it wasn’t the smell that gave him (or her) away, rather it was his (or her) presence at the cat food bowl that caused the general alarm. The contractor doing our renovation was on his way to call it a day when he suddenly, slowly retreated back into the house and announced, somewhat nonchalantly I thought, “there’s a skunk in your...
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Saturday, August 15, 2009
Get your hands off my junk!
Not a phrase you want to say in these modern times, I’m sure. But as I was visiting my local landfill, or as we used to call it, dump, I couldn’t help but think of the way things used to be. On the hill above town, in clear view of the whole valley, the dump was a place where you unloaded your trash. There were no attendants to tell you where to dump, no crushers, indeed, no equipment of any kind. It was a reeking, fly ridden piece of real estate that most likely had a smoldering fire emitting...
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Sunday, July 26, 2009
Another quote from me
When problem solving, remember not to focus on one single cause. After all, it takes a whole mouth full of teeth to bite you on the ass!
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Friday, July 24, 2009
A quote from me
It is the inexperience of youth that makes them think they can change the world by listening to music their parents hate.
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Thursday, July 16, 2009
Songs of summer
For the allergic among us try, “Summertime, and the livin’ is sneezy!” An oldie for the overweight, “Let it all hang out.” Just for the punch line, the Viagra set grooves to “Knock on wood.” The NASA launch crew at Cape Canaveral are all singing, “Lightning striking again.” Californians are playing the old Jimi Hendrix “Let me stand next to your fire.” Meanwhile politicians everywhere are doing their best Jim Morrison as they croon in unison, “Let me be your back door man!” As for me, I am...
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Sunday, July 12, 2009
Storm Hound Doppler Radar
Every T.V. news show has it, or something like it. Anchor: Well, now time for the weather with weatherologist Bill Blarney! BB: Hey, its going to be a great weekend, as you can see on the Doppler Radar, its all, well, Dopplery, with continued Doppleriness in the evening. Anchor: Say Bill, just how does that Doppler Radar work anyway? BB: Well it usually works pretty good as long as we keep the bearings properly lubricated. Anchor: Bill, how did you get your start in Weatherology? BB: Well, in...
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Monday, June 29, 2009
Aliens and the Alien Nation
They came in peace they said. I asked why they decided to visit our small planet. They said because it was so small, lots of alien races are interested in compact planets that use fewer natural resources. I asked how big their planet was and they said it made Jupiter look like a spitball. Mostly, they claimed, because if we really knew what Jupiter was made of, it would turn out to be spit. I observed that was disgusting, to which they replied that I really didn’t want to know what Uranus was...
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Sunday, June 28, 2009
Don’t you know that’s how it would be
I was squinting into the setting sun as I finished mowing my lawn when I saw it. Headed right for me was what appeared to be a hubcap from a 1956 Ford Thunderbird but my neighbor and I had reached an agreement that I would stop singing while I mowed and he would stop flinging hubcaps at me. Ok, I’ll admit I was humming but I seriously doubted anyone could hear it above the roar of the mower. I lost consciousness at that point and was unaware that I had been whisked aboard an alien spacecraft for...
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Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Star Trek: The wrath of Chiffon
Captains Log – Well, its that time of year when the starship dealers stock their showrooms with the shiny new models, but here we are stuck in the dowdy old Enterprise. I mean, my God, have you seen those tail fins? Strictly ‘50s. Well, its about time for the crew meeting, I must be off to the bridge. Bridge of the Enterprise – Crew meeting. Kirk: This meeting of the crew is now in order, Spock, can you read the minutes of the last meeting? Spock: Well captain, it was about 20 minutes. Kirk:...
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Thursday, June 4, 2009
Everything old is new, again...
I posted this some time ago, but suddenly Star Trek is in again, so get ready for a round of Warped take-offs. Star Trek, the unseen adventure. “Kirk here…….prepareenginesfor…….warpedthoughs…….when…williteverend?” The graceful white Starfleet ship banks into a turn, going boldly where no man has gone before. “Captain, my impeccable logic tells me we are lost, once again, thus, going where no man has gone before.” “Well Spock, that only makes sense, the captain is after all a man, and he simply...
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