Trouble With Initials

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class. "In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative." "However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A... Sign in to see full entry.

Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive." Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps." You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time." You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome." No one's tall... Sign in to see full entry.

Are you sure that's edible? Better check these findings carefully: THE GAG TEST: Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night). EGGS: When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime. DAIRY... Sign in to see full entry.

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to... Sign in to see full entry.

If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor. Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn to steer your car, and you get about the same results. The best way to keep kids at home is to give it a loving atmosphere ~~ and hide the keys to the car.... Sign in to see full entry.

(this is real stuff, not just Rumors made up) RABBIT: "More lettuce and Cabbage! Just once, couldn't they put some solid meat on my plate? I'm not a sworn vegetarian." DOG: "Did you say fetch the ball? Well, excuse me, but I haven't signed my new contract yet and if this keeps up I'll declare myself... Sign in to see full entry.

Dog: "They keep putting the lid down on the big water bowl." Goldfish: "Just because I have a three-second memory, they don't think I'll mind eating the same fish flakes... Oh boy! Fish flakes!" Dog: "Man, why do they keep rubbing my nose in it? I already KNOW whose it is!" Goldfish: "The knight... Sign in to see full entry.

Kitchen Signs for Every Taste So this isn't Home Sweet Home... Adjust! Martha Stewart doesn't live here!! Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! I clean house every other day. Today is the other day. If you write in the dust, please don't date it! I would cook dinner but I can't... Sign in to see full entry.

A sign was hung in an office window. It read: Help wanted. Must type 70 words a minute. Must be computer literate. Must be bilingual. An equal opportunity employer. A dog was ambling down the street and saw the sign. He looked at it for a moment, pulled it down with his mouth, and walked into the... Sign in to see full entry.

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9 A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came... Sign in to see full entry.