Trouble With Initials

While talking with my semi-deaf uncle one evening, I noticed that his "hearing aid" was actually an earphone from a transistor radio. The wire had been cut and was sticking out of his shirt. "How does that help your hearing?" I asked. "Don't help my hearing none," he replied. "Makes people talk... Sign in to see full entry.

A man took his son fishing one day. After a few hours in the boat with not much to do, the son started asking his father some questions. "How does the boat float?" he asked. The man thought about the question for a moment, then said, "I don't really know, son." "Well, how do fish breath underwater?"... Sign in to see full entry.

A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what the bracelet was for. She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and eggs." The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats?" The girl said, "I don't know..... I don't eat cats." Sign in to see full entry.

A company offered tours through the historic district, led by guides dressed in Colonial clothing. While leading a group, one of the guides, tripped and fell, breaking his wrist. He went to the hospital, and as he sat waiting in the emergency room, a policeman walked by. Doing a double take at him... Sign in to see full entry.

You've seen those fitness ads on TV promising amazing results from all sorts of contraptions. Well, there's no need to invest in fancy equipment. If you have (or can borrow) a dog, you have everything you need to get in shape now. The following exercises can be done anywhere, anytime. Inner Thighs:... Sign in to see full entry.

Three guys die together in an accident and go to Heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven -- don't step on the ducks." So they enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they... Sign in to see full entry.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain. A penny saved is a government oversight. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at... Sign in to see full entry.

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and a week... Sign in to see full entry.

Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it. Liz walks over to the artist and says, "I... Sign in to see full entry.

A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police. "For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered... Sign in to see full entry.