Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Kids say the silliest things!

What are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep? A dinosnore! What is the fruitiest lesson? History, because it's full of dates! What language do they speak in Cuba? Cubic! Why did the stupid racing driver make ten pitstops during the race? He was asking for directions! How do you keep an... Sign in to see full entry.

Engineer Linguistics

Top 25 Engineer's Terms and Expressions (What they say versus what they mean) A number of different approaches are being tried. (We are still guessing at this point.) Close project coordination. (We sat down and had coffee together.) An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach. (We... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, September 13, 2013

Twas the night the burglar...

A story I'll tell of a burglar bold Who started to rob a house; He opened the window, and then crept in As quiet as a mouse. He looked around for a place to hide, 'Till the folks were all asleep, Then said he, "With their money I'll take a quiet sneak." So under the bed the burglar crept; He crept... Sign in to see full entry.

Perhaps you have heard of a few of these

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your... Sign in to see full entry.

...Ponderings

I couldn't repair my brakes, so I made the horn louder. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? What happens if you get scared half-to-death twice? If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they. When I'm not in my right mind, my... Sign in to see full entry.

Directory assistance

The following are real conversations Directory Enquiries operators had with callers, as revealed in interviews with staff at the Cardiff DE Centre. Caller: I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please. Operator: I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct? Caller: Well,... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

No more deliveries until...

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." The next... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Ponderings...

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Don`t think that you`re thinking. If you think that you're thinking you only think that you're thinking. When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go? If a train station is where a train stops, what is a workstation? Why is it, when a... Sign in to see full entry.

Apparently not the best of bosses or employees

RE: Quotes Taken from actual performance evaluations: "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig." "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity." "I would not allow this employee to breed." "This associate is really not so much of a... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

"You Know It's Your Last Day At Work When..."

You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, "What's this?", you realize you just dropped the company's deposit in a mailbox. A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, "I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This one's your turn". Your boss is standing behind... Sign in to see full entry.