Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Yikes!

a man goes on a trip to japan on business. inbetween sessions, he goes to play golf. he ends up having the worst day of his life. all double bogeys. a fellow golfer tells him the best way to correct this is to go get laid, so he will relax. he goes to the local, and goes at it. the lady spends the... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

No patience

One hot day on a beautiful beach, a good looking male is going for his usual jog along the shore. But, on this day he stops and notices something new in his travels. A woman, is crying her eyes out. And he could understand why, the poor lady had no arms and legs, and was sitting in a lawn chair. He... Sign in to see full entry.

Outburst in the court

The judge asked the defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw." From out in the gallery, a man shouts, "Lying bastard!" "Silence in the court!" the Judge says to the man who shouted. He turns to be defendant and says, "You are also charged with... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, November 18, 2013

More non PC...state mottos

Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ California: By 30, Our Women... Sign in to see full entry.

These are not PC...so don't read if not being PC bothers you

The Shortest Books Ever Written * 1000 Years of German Humor * Everything men know about women * The Code of Ethics for Lawyers * Italian War Heroes * Who's who in Puerto Rico * Americans' Guide to Etiquette * Royal Family's Guide to Good Marriages * Safe Places to Travel in the USA * Jerry Garcia's... Sign in to see full entry.

worst age

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" "Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the... Sign in to see full entry.

hearing loss

An old man decided his old wife was getting hard of hearing. So he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked. The Doctor said he could see her in two weeks, and meanwhile there's a simple, informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the dimensions of... Sign in to see full entry.

living long life

Three rednecks, Bubba, Earl and Jeb, were stumbling home late one night and found themselves on the road that led past the old graveyard. "Come have a look over here", says Bubba, "It's Zeb Jones' grave, God bless his soul, he lived to the ripe old age of 87." "That's nothing", says Earl, "here's... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Top hits for the geriatric crowd

Great news! Some of the old favorite singers and bands have re-released their great hits with new titles and lyrics to accommodate their aging audience. Some examples: Herman's Hermits: "Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Walker" The Rolling Stones: "You Can't Always Pee When You Want" Credence... Sign in to see full entry.

Groaner alert III

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. The beech says to the birch: "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a... Sign in to see full entry.