One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself. Tom wasn't happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?" Bill: "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?" Tom:... Sign in to see full entry.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
OMG seriously we paid for this study!
In January 1994, 'The Economist' magazine reported that one of Secretary of Energy Hazel O'Leary's success stories about government research scientists hired out for civilian business uses was the Argonne National Laboratory's helping McDonald's to find a way to speed up french frying. A team headed... Sign in to see full entry.
Top 10 ways to annoy (mmmmm) your server by Dave Letterman
10. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip. 9. Ask, "Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?" 8. After he describes each special, you shout, "Garbage!" 7. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, "Minimum wage". 6. Every few seconds, yell, "More waffles, Cuomo!" 5. Insist that before... Sign in to see full entry.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Stupid news
The Los Angeles Board of Education has OK'd a plan to equip school police cars with guns. The plan works on a tier system: Police at elementary schools will carry supersoakers, junior high patrols will carry paint guns, and shotguns will be used at high schools. A severly disturbed geography teacher... Sign in to see full entry.
You just can't make this up!
SIX DIE TRYING TO SAVE CHICKEN - August 1, 1995 CAIRO, Egypt (AP) - Six people drowned yesterday while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen into a well in southern Egypt. An 18-year-old farmer was the first to descend into the 60-foot well. He drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the... Sign in to see full entry.
She was so blonde that...
She thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools. She thought General Motors was in the army. She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius." She tripped over a cordless phone. She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange... Sign in to see full entry.
Porn Shop
blonde walks into a porno shop: She asks, "How much for the white dildo?" He answers, "35 bucks" She: "How much for the black one?" He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one." She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before." She pays him, and off she goes. A little... Sign in to see full entry.
Monday, September 23, 2013
this guy must be a blonde
Joe was sitting at a bar. He was totally depressed. The bartender, serving him a drink, asked what was wrong."Ill never understand women" said Joe. "The other night on my birthday, my wife said as my gift, I could do with her what I wanted.""Wow! Thats quite some gift" said the bartender. "So why... Sign in to see full entry.
birthday
A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. Whats the matter? she asked. Its my birthday! he hollered. And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon theres to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards... and... Sign in to see full entry.
A guide to Drinking
A solution to all of your drinking troubles Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet. Fault: Mouth not open or glass being applied to wrong part of face. Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until... Sign in to see full entry.