Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Better than she thought!
The rescue squad was called to the home of an elderly couple for an apparent heart attack the gentleman had. When the squad got there is was too late and the man had died. While consoling the wife one of the rescuers noticed that the bed was a mess. He asked the lady what symptoms the man had...
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Men Suck
Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women? - Women working at 900 numbers. Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner? - In the pages of a romance novel. What do...
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Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Bragging Rights
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry...
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Romeo where fore art thou?
Collards is green, my dog's name is Blue and I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you. Yore hair is like corn silk a-flapping in the breeze. Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas. You move like the bass, which excite me in May. You ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway. Yo're as...
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Monday, October 1, 2012
I don't know much about biology...
A farmer bought some breeding pigs, but after several weeks, not one was pregnant. He called the vet for help. "Why don't you try artificial insemination" said the vet. The farmer didn't have an inkling of what artificial insemination was, but, not wanting to appear ignorant, he said, "Okay, Doc,...
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Sunday, September 30, 2012
A Prayer Answered...
In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His...
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Cure for insomnia
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him an exam and found nothing physically wrong with him. “Listen,” the doctor said, “if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you need to stop taking your troubles to bed with you.” “That’s true,” said the patient, “but my wife...
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I cannot tell a lie
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course child. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm...
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Saturday, September 29, 2012
What size?
Two old ladies, Sunny and Tina, were outside their nursing home having a smoke, when it started to rain. Tina pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. Sunny: "What's that?" Tina: "A condom." Sunny: "Where'd you get it?" Tina: "You can get them at any...
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It wasn't me!
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried a creative defense to get his client off the hook. "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few paltry items. His arm is not himself, so I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed solely by...
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