Saturday, November 3, 2012
Oh Please Teach!
Teacher: What is the axis of the earth? Student: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the earth revolves. Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line? Student: Yes, Sir. Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes? Student:...
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Friday, November 2, 2012
Public Speaking Recently our speaker had to discontinue several of his long talks on account of his throat. Several people threatened to cut it. You have heard it said before that this speaker needs no introduction. Well, I have heard him and he needs all the introduction he can get. Our speaker...
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Never tick off the missus! II
One night my exhusband invited someone over to our house to drink. We had a newborn son who had colic. They played music and drank until about 10pm. He decided to take him home and was hours late without a phone call. I spent hours rocking the son to get him to sleep. Finally I had him asleep so...
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I can spell
A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed. "What's the matter, son," asked his mother. "Aw, gee," said the boy, "It's my marks. They're all wet." "What do you mean `all wet?'" "I mean," he replied, "below C-level."
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Thursday, November 1, 2012
Sweep the Floor Your first job will be to sweep the floor. But I'm a college student the young man replied. In that case give me the broom - I'll show you how.
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whats the speed limit?
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns. Cop: "Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway -- why are you going so slow?" Sister: "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65." Cop: "Oh sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on! Sister: Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know....
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Never try to outquote your parents on the bible...
A young man comes home and says "Dad, just got my driver's license and would like to use the family car." Father replies,:"O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we'll see."...
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Ask a smartalek
A man and his wife were driving their Recreational Vehicle across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it - KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town. Since they were...
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Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to...
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Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Lawyers must had written these!
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can't see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do." Q:...
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