Friday, October 5, 2012
Another birthday joke...
A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home she stops at a newsstand to buy a paper. Before leaving, she asks the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32", the clerk...
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Be Careful What You Ask For!
A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for...
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Thursday, October 4, 2012
Be careful how you word your birthday wish!
A birthday joke in honor of my birthday.....I want balloon emoticons.... A man said to his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday"? She replied, "I'd love to be Ten again". On the morning of her birthday, he gets her up bright and early and off they go to a theme Park. Every ride in the...
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Outwitting the po leece!
One day, two rednecks named Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of Buds. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead Earl, it's a po-leece roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!" "Don't worry Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish...
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Ahhhhhh Peace!
A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. An Irish cop pulls him over and asks, "Where have you been?" "I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile....
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Wednesday, October 3, 2012
True Blonde Story
The son didn't care to go to Venture to buy his mother some yarn she needed to finish her current project. He told his wife to go instead. The MIL showed her a ball of the yarn color she needed. Off she went to Venture to buy the yarn. She looked and looked all through the store but couldn't find...
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Wait 10 minutes...
A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy's name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written in the Book." "How current is your...
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Better than she thought!
The rescue squad was called to the home of an elderly couple for an apparent heart attack the gentleman had. When the squad got there is was too late and the man had died. While consoling the wife one of the rescuers noticed that the bed was a mess. He asked the lady what symptoms the man had...
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Men Suck
Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women? - Women working at 900 numbers. Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner? - In the pages of a romance novel. What do...
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Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Bragging Rights
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry...
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