Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Thursday, February 18, 2016

need a room!

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

dying

A priest was preparing a man for his long journey into the night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil." The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, "Why do you refuse... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, February 15, 2016

sex

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, February 14, 2016

hand copying

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this,... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, February 13, 2016

excuse notes

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud! These are real notes written from parents in a Mississippi school district. (Spellings have been left intact.) My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, February 12, 2016

posted in wrong one

st pete and forrest The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper. St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you.... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

lunch

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE. God is watching.' Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

beans

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself "She'll never go for me... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, February 8, 2016

one wish

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... what'll it be?" The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, February 7, 2016

fixin the outhouse

Ma was in the kitchen fiddlin around when she hollars out... "Pa you need to fix the outhouse!" Pa replies, "there ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse." Ma yells back, "Yes there is now git out there and fix it." So... Pa mosies out to the outhouse, look's around and yell's back, " there ain't... Sign in to see full entry.