Guy's blog about life with pets in northern mich.

Last month, Corrine, a meal delivery recipient, nearly died while I was there. She was shaking so badly, she nearly couldn’t sit in her recliner without flopping out on the floor. She was terrified and I was hoping she didn’t stop breathing. She couldn’t talk except to say, N,N,N,N,N,N, for no and Y,Y,Y,Y,Y for yes. She did manage to let me know not to leave her alone. Of course I had no intention of leaving but she was terrified I would. I got her her meds and she took the important one but... Sign in to see full entry.

A man entered a bar early one day, threw several bills on the bar and asked the bartender to pour him six shots of tequila. The bartender set six shot glasses up on the bar, poured the drinks and lined them up in front of the customer. Without another word, the fellow began tossing them back. Curious, the barman said to the customer, “I don’t mean to bother you, but I’ve seen people order six shots before and then work their way down the line. Each time it was because that day was extra special... Sign in to see full entry.

I don't know who wrote this, so I cannot make an attribution. Guy Why bicycles are better than Women... Bicycles don't get pregnant. You can ride your Bicycle any time of the month. Bicycles don't have parents. Bicycles don't whine unless something is really wrong. You can share your Bicycle with your friends. Bicycles don't care how many other Bicycles you've ridden. When riding, you and your Bicycle can arrive at the same time. Bicycles don't care how many other Bicycles you have. Bicycles... Sign in to see full entry.

If I wrote a book about the victorian poet Byron becoming a jeweler, could I name it "The rings of the lord?" Would J. K. Rawlings sue me if I wrote one called, "A hairy stoner and the sorcerers pot?" I wonder about things like this when I'm not occupied with solving simpler things like nuclear war, famine, world-wide pandemics, bigotry, global warming, etc. When I'm put in charge of the world, things will be different, believe me. Dogs will be beautiful and women will be loyal. Cats will remain... Sign in to see full entry.

Does anyone else wonder if in twenty years, people will be asking, “Remember blogging?” like CB radio, eight tracks (Oops! dating myself.) Let’s make that cassette tapes. I for one, don’t miss all the redneck twang that it seemed EVERYONE was using on and off the CB radio! I felt like yelling, “I’m NOT your ‘Good buddy!’ I don’t know you, don’t want to and if I want to keep the greasy side UP, I damn well will!” I didn’t care if there was a ‘Smokey’ ahead, or a ‘Bear in the air’ or if we had a... Sign in to see full entry.

Okay, sing it with me everyone! "Kids. Tell me what is wrong with these kids today? Why can't they be like we were, perfect in every way?" Donnie’s son has learned at least two letters! For some time now, I have suspected that little D.J. will be riding the short bus to school. It may be because of all the times his sister glonged him in the head, because, from the beginning of his life, she regarded him as unnecessary, unwelcome, an interloper, usurper of attention rightly belonging to her, a... Sign in to see full entry.

There are times that the humor muse is elusive or I’m just not feeling particularly funny. This is one of those days, so I’ll just tell you a joke that is probably best told face to face. There is a visual element that I hope is as funny when one reads it. A secretary in a large company thought that she was stuck in a lower level job than her talent entitled her to because she had small breasts. She consulted several plastic surgeons but couldn’t afford their prices for breast augmentation... Sign in to see full entry.

Up here in “Godforsaken Wilderness Forest”, there is a mythical creature the Chambers of Commerce invented to bring money and tourism into the area. It’s called “the witchy wolf.” Marilyn was reading to the kids, an article about a foot race run each winter by masochists, and watched by sadists. It's called "the Witchy Wolf race." D. J. believes most anything said by anyone not called Grampa. Of course Marilyn and Ivy delight in scaring the daylights out of him by threatening to feed him to the... Sign in to see full entry.

Each weekday morning Marilyn awakens her grandkids for school. As we are all in our waterbed, the kids (six & eight) are spoiled rotten, cranky and loud with their complaints, I wake up too. Nothing I say changes anything or ever will, so I usually just endure. When DJ grows to six foot four, like his worthless, waste of oxygen father and Ivy develops her mother’s axe handle wide butt, Marilyn will finally clear out the other bedrooms for them, I bet. If four people and a dog share the same bed,... Sign in to see full entry.

You probably don’t know how I am about measuring ingredients when I create my special taste treats. It’s something I try to avoid, like asking for directions when driving through strange territory. It’s most likely a guy thing, ladies. However, friends and family have been begging for the ability to prepare my chili, the real thing and not what passes for it in cans or diners. I’ll try to put into words the process I follow. Of course you know that this isn’t really a process as much as an art.... Sign in to see full entry.