Pages of The Damned

By mark2556 - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

CALIFORNIA SEES FIRST SAME-SEX DIVORCE - "He's just so freakin' GAY!"

SAN FRANCISCO -- A gay couple, married in last month’s frenzy of same-sex weddings here in San Francisco, has filed for what is believed to be the country’s first same-sex divorce. Lawyers for the newlyweds, identified only as John and Gary, said the couple cited “irreconcilable differences” as... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

KERRY SEEKS SAME-SEX MARRIAGE VOTE, WEDS TED KENNEDY

Looking to snare the surging gay-married-couple vote, Democratic hopeful John Kerry flew to Boston early this week and exchanged wedding vows with fellow Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy. Moments after a brief same-sex civil ceremony, the couple appeared on the steps of Boston ’s historic State... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

"The Passion of the Nader": Too Dense, Even for Dems

Calling it “shocking” and a “sensational mockery of electoral process”, leading Democrats nationwide expressed outrage at the release of “The Passion of the Nader” by the Independent Party this week. The surprise release of Nader in 2004, which Independents say will challenge the “two-party duopoly”... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, February 2, 2004

FUMBLING BOOB JACKSON DROPS HANDOFF; PANTHERS HOPES NIPPED

In what turned out to be the key play in Superbowl XXXVIII, Janet Jackson fumbled a desperate handoff from Justin Timberlake around midway through the game, stopping all forward momentum the high-stepping Jackson had up to that point. Red hot through the half, Jackson seemed rattled by the play and... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, January 12, 2004

Miracle Penis Patch Means Massive Mutant Member

Last week I read a blog by Msaries titled "To Hell With a Penis Patch, Some Men Need a Character Patch", an wonderfully written piece which explores the importance of the size of a mans integrity versus the importance of the size of his wanker. That's what I suspect it's about, anyway...once I saw... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, January 2, 2004

Michael Jackson Opens 'Neverland' to Public; "See the real me...really!"

Whether it's fire in his hair or shooting out of his ass, Jacko dazzles the crowd. In order to raise money for his upcoming child molestation trial, as well as show the public that his home is "...just a typical American household full of games, toys and herds of African wildlife", Michael Jackson... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Jackson Using Fool-Proof "Of Course I'd Sleep With Children Again" Defense

Taking the offensive in his child molestation charges, Michael Jackson told 60 Minutes’ Ed Bradley that he still sees nothing wrong with sleeping with children, a statement that appears to be a precursor to a bold defensive strategy aimed at debunking the validity of the charges against him. Asked... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, December 8, 2003

"Don't Drink, Don't Take Drugs, and if you have, Wear a Condom"

Millions Shocked to Learn Ozzy “Prescribed Too Many Drugs” Rocker Ozzy Osbourne claims he was prescribed a mind-numbing combination of drugs, leaving him barely able to walk or talk for hours on end. In the reality series, “The Osbournes”, Osbourne was seen staggering around his mansion, falling... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, December 2, 2003

Internet Porn Connoisseurs Find Paris Hilton "Flat"

Despite record-breaking downloads, the private sex video of child-of-privilege and professional party drunk Paris Hilton has disappointed millions of internet porn aficionados worldwide. While a box office bonanza for online adult film merchants, eBay and countless industrious computer nerds, the... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

Verizon Geek Missing, Foul Play Suspected

The Verizon test geek has not been heard from since wandering into the Oakland chapter of the Hell’s Angels early this week. Known for testing cellular service reception for Verizon wireless services, the dweeb was last reported “walking toward a low, thundering sound emanating from a garage” on the... Sign in to see full entry.

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