Pages of The Damned

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Must-See Queer TV - What, Now EVERYBODY's a Homo??

Concerned that lesbians aren’t sufficiently represented on television, Showtime Network is launching a new series, “The L Word”, this November. Chief executives for CBS, NBC, ABC and FOX are said to be scrambling to keep up with the latest trend in We’re All A Bunch Of Fags and Lesbos Must-See TV.... Sign in to see full entry.

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Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Illusionist David Blaine Opens Plexi-Box, Releases 44-Day Stench

Illusionist David Blaine ended his latest stunt Sunday by emerging from a plexi-glass box that was suspended high over London’s River Thames for 44 days. Thousands of cheering onlookers watched as Blaine, tears welling in his eyes, climbed out of the chamber, saying, "CHRIST! What a STENCH!!" Within... Sign in to see full entry.

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Monday, October 20, 2003

God Tells Pope, Homo Bishop To Continue

God, the Almighty and Creator of Heaven and Earth, has told both gay Anglican bishop-elect Rev. Gene Robinson and Pope John Paul II to “go forward” in their work, according to both men. These latest heavenly conversations mark a change in God the Father’s choice in chat-room partners, a group... Sign in to see full entry.

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Tuesday, October 7, 2003

Bums Rush In Limbaugh Lambaste

Conservative commentator Rush Limbaugh resigned from his job with ESPN last week following comments made on TV about a black NFL player. Garlic News caught up with the bombastic Limbaugh in Florida this past weekend for an exclusive interview. GARLIC NEWS: Ratings for ESPN’s Sunday NFL Countdown... Sign in to see full entry.

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Wednesday, October 1, 2003

Chirac Gets First Lady Warmed Up

U.S. first lady Laura Bush, accompanying her husband on a short visit to Paris, paid a visit to president Jacques Chirac on Sunday, at which the French leader “greeted her with warmth, charm and a demonstration of French kissing”, according to White House officials. Chirac kissed Mrs. Bush’s hand as... Sign in to see full entry.

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Monday, September 29, 2003

Escaped Gorilla Attacks Children, Church Offers $8 Million

BOSTON - A 300-pound gorilla escaped from a Boston zoo Sunday night, roaming nearby streets for several hours and assailing a two-year-old and a teenager. This is the second such incident in two months for the gorilla, named “Little Joe”, who also escaped from the Tropical Forest exhibit in August.... Sign in to see full entry.

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Thursday, September 25, 2003

Madonna: Slippin' Subversion Down Britney's Throat

With a prime-time slip of the tongue, pop-diva Madonna seduced America’s favorite blossomed child-star into a world of flesh-baring, sex-driven narcissism the likes of which hasn’t been seen since…well, the LAST time Madonna pulled some saliva-based publicity stunt. The woman is old enough to be... Sign in to see full entry.

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Wednesday, September 17, 2003

Congress Leads Way In Fleeing From Hurricane

With Hurricane Isabel only hours away from a U.S. landfall, Congress today ordered the “immediate evacuation of US congressmen, senators and their drivers” from Washington, D.C. While such a swift exodus is normally confined to Texas state democrats, legislators from all fifty states coordinated an... Sign in to see full entry.

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Wednesday, September 10, 2003

Al Gore Relfects On His Performance

AL GORE INTERVIEW: THE FIRST 1000 DAYS It’s nearly three years since the 2000 presidential election and subsequent confusion that, after weeks of hand-counting ballots, gave Al Gore the edge in the popular vote. Despite a busy schedule and distractions such as the war on terrorism, a floundering... Sign in to see full entry.

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Tuesday, September 2, 2003

POLICE DETONATE DEADLY PIZZA-BOMBER

Brian Douglas Wells, the dreaded Pennsylvania Pizzabomber, was blown to pieces Thursday when a bomb attached to his neck detonated as police and FBI agents urged him to “sit down and relax…we’ll be right back.” Wells, 46, had delivered a pizza and subsequently robbed a bank before exploding in front... Sign in to see full entry.

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