Pages of The Damned

Thursday, June 3, 2004

KERRY PROMISES PLAN FOR MAKING SOME KIND OF PLAN

PORT of PALM BEACH, FL - Accusing President Bush of not doing enough to prevent nuclear terrorism, John Kerry promised a plan yesterday to develop a new plan to create a strategy for producing a formula that could result in a procedure for creating some kind of plan to prevent nuclear terrorism.... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by mark2556 at 10:38 AM Damned Comments (7) (permalink)

Tuesday, June 1, 2004

PETERSON TRIAL OPENS, PETERSON KILLS PROSECUTORS (Digitally Remastered!)

REDWOOD CITY, Ca. – The long-awaited Scott Peterson murder trial begins today, one which the state attorney general has described as "a slam dunk", despite the prosecution's lack of a murder weapon, cause of death or any physical eveidence linking Peterson to the slaying of his wife, Laci, in late... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by mark2556 at 10:09 AM Damned Comments (8) (permalink)

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

MICHAEL MOORE HAILED BY FRENCH & OTHER INVERTEBRATES

Michael Moore, who is to America ’s blue-collar worker what France is to resistance, received the prestigious Palme d’Or at this years’ Cannes Film Festival for his documentary “Fahrenheit 9/11”. The film details accusations that President Bush stole the 2000 election, ignored telegrams from the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by mark2556 at 1:35 PM Damned Comments (34) (permalink)

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

'Friends' Ends, Pussy-Whipped Men Now Forced To Watch 'Extreme Makeover'

NBC’s ‘Friends’ said goodbye to viewers last Thursday, ending its decade-long companionship with millions of American women, pussy-whipped husbands and gay couples. The final send-off was not without surprises, although it included the usual set of unlikely coincidences, such as Monica and... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by mark2556 at 4:06 AM Damned Comments (26) (permalink)

Tuesday, May 4, 2004

JOHN KERRY’S TOP-TEN VP CANDIDATE REQUIREMENTS

Recognizing the absence of any sort of credible campaign agenda could harm his election chances this November, Democratic presidential hopeful John Kerry has released a top-ten list of vice-presidential attributes that, according to his advisors, will help inject some balance and direction to the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by mark2556 at 3:12 PM Damned Comments (6) (permalink)

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Janet Reno Testifies: “Al Qaeda?? Hey, we had Elián to deal with!”

Former Attorney General Janet Reno, demonstrating the myriad of issues she faced during her tenure in the Clinton Administration, told the panel investigating the September 11 attacks that “I never focused on al Qaeda, because I stood there and watched the ( Oklahoma City ) Murrah Building in... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by mark2556 at 11:59 AM Damned Comments (14) (permalink)

Monday, April 5, 2004

AL FRANKEN INDUCES MULTI-CITY COMA WITH NEW RADIO SHOW

“Air America ”, Al Franken’s liberal answer to conservative radio talk shows, resulted in thousands of coma cases after its maiden show was aired last week. “We knew he wanted to hit ‘em hard,” said a media analyst, “But we had no idea he’d have such an impact. To bore people into a total comatose... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by mark2556 at 3:07 PM Damned Comments (11) (permalink)

Sunday, April 4, 2004

PROMINENT BLOGGER, MOTHER SUSPECTS IN KIDNAPPING

BLOGITVILLE – A well-known blogger and his mother are lead suspects in the abduction of a popular Blogit member, according to local authorities. Chris2303, and his mother, Mother2303, aka Slutty_Legs, are believed to have kidnapped Blogitville resident WonkyWordsMistress early last week. While... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by mark2556 at 10:52 AM Damned Comments (16) (permalink)

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Clarke Warned U.S. about 9-11, Jackson Nipple and Martian Invasion

Former White House counter-terrorism official Richard Clarke, defending assertions made in his book “Against All Enemies”, said early this week that he warned the Bush administration about the dangers of al-Qaeda prior to 9-11, as well as predicting the probability of sever winter weather in cold... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by mark2556 at 1:52 PM Damned Comments (13) (permalink)

Monday, March 22, 2004

Love Canal Toxic Cleanup Complete, Mutants Return to Homes

NIAGARA FALLS, NY – The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency has declared cleanup work at Love Canal complete, closing a chapter in the history of the nation’s worst toxic disasters. The EPA, which began cleanup of the neighborhood just two decades ago, was lauded by former homeowners for their... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by mark2556 at 11:07 AM Damned Comments (7) (permalink)