Jeff's Journal

Today was the day I was supposed to be back to work. That's a laugh, I could barely get out of bed. It will be another month before we know if the increased dosage of medication is going to work. If that doesn't work I guess we try another medication. It's a slow process but I will get better... Sign in to see full entry.

Dr Ashai doubled my medication and updated the paperwork to say I can go back to work February 20. We'll see what happens. She also talked about medication resistant depression. She said I probably didn't have that because if I did my mood would be up and down, instead of just down all the time.... Sign in to see full entry.

Nona said I looked sad last night, Mom said I sounded better this morning, and I feel about the same so I guess it averages out. Drada meeting was fantastic as always, it's been the best part of being sick. Breakfast with Mom today. It went well. She's encouraging me to go back to work, but not... Sign in to see full entry.

The fact that people are saying I look better is giving me hope, but I don't feel any better. Yesterday was actually worse than most days lately. Today is about the same as yesterday. I did make it to the gym yesterday, walked two miles on the track. Although I felt good about myself for doing it.... Sign in to see full entry.

Karen says I look much better. People keep telling me I look better, but Idon't feel better. Not much anyway. It's true that other people tend to notice depressed people getting better before they do, but it's been weeks now that people have been telling me I look better, but there has been very... Sign in to see full entry.

Seeing Lisa for the first time in over a month was nice, even though it was a brief visit. I appreciate her more when I don't see her much. We kissed about 10 times during the hour and a half we were together. Gari nailed it this morning when she said I looked a little better, but still very... Sign in to see full entry.

Feeling a little better I think. It' s hard to tell because I don't remember what is was like to feel well. It sure doesn't feel like I'll be well enough to go back to work by the 20th. But that's still a week away so the medicine may have kicked in more by then. Haven't heard from Melanie, I guess... Sign in to see full entry.

People keep saying I look and sound better, but I don't feel better, not much anyway. I might be a hair stronger and I'm not even sure about that. The weather is helping. We're having April weather in January. I'll take it. It won't last but it does make the winter seem shorter. Melanie's mad at me... Sign in to see full entry.

About a 4 on a scale of 10 today, which is about the highest I ever get. Maybe a five for short periods. Drada meetings are getting even better, now that I'm getting to know the folks. I was going to leave next week's meeting early to go to my therapy appointment, but I think I'll reschedule the... Sign in to see full entry.

I feel just as crappy physically today but there seems to have been a shift mentally. I'm now looking forward to getting back to work instead of dreading it. I feel as though I'm close to recovering, even though my syptoms are the same. Shift happens as Rev Gussie says. Drada meeting tonight. I'm... Sign in to see full entry.