My life

Things change very little around here. To some extent, I'm more than happy with that, but I fear change and what it can bring. The village seems so content to just sit back and let things happen, but when the changes come, we are overwhelmed by them. The big house I look after in the village is empty now. Its owner is in a care home, and he is not expected to return. At 94, he can't live there as it's not made for disabled living. Dating back to the 15th century, things have not changed there... Sign in to see full entry.

There is a website I write for where I have submitted my novels and short stories. No, I'm not trying to get you all to read them, but I feel I want someone to know how I feel about them and the audience figures they get. If the counters are correct, the most popular mounts up to about 2400 hits. Now I work on a one per cent hit rate. So in other words, we can take off the ones generated by the AI's and the general bots crawling the web pages. Plus, the people who fell there by accident, and... Sign in to see full entry.

Now and again, I look back on the nonsense I call my diaries and wonder where it all went wrong. What was I trying to say back then? And what would I do differently? If I could go back and tell my younger self one thing, it would be: "Don't drink!" That would have saved me a lot of trouble, but the truth is that I would have just said: "Don't worry, you'll make it anyway." Those old notebook diaries are full of anxiety about not getting anywhere and not doing enough. I wish I could go back and... Sign in to see full entry.

Do you ever have those trigger points where you see something really cruel and horrible, and you just want to lash out? I get triggered very easily the older I get. I see a world of dark mean mean-spirited people and I feel the only way to hit back, is to go down to their level. Obviously, this is wrong and I can talk myself out of it. But it does not help that we live in this world where we are bombarded by negative things. I try not to get caught in a spiral of negative things, but the... Sign in to see full entry.

We are doing Ok. Mother can walk up the stairs now, and needs little help from me. She gets upset that there are so many things she still cannot do, but she is doing really well. I took on her old job and became the cleaner for the big house in the village, which Mother once did. It was an easy job, and there was little to do, and it looked like life would go on for some time. However, life is something which happens, whilst you are busy making other plans. The old guy who lived there had a bad... Sign in to see full entry.

I feel guilty about making an entry as very little has happened to Mum and I in the past month. We have not faced any real hurdles, but maybe that's a good thing? We solved all the problems of the social services and the money. We could have carried on with them for free, but Mother found them a chore and asked them to stop coming. Our problems can be sorted out between us, and we can carry on anyway. the money is coming in nicely and the stock market has been very good to us. I make a modest... Sign in to see full entry.

I'm so self-absorbed with my own problems that I clean forget about those of the neighbours. Shaun had just lost all his chickens to the fox. He was down to 3 but there is a young fox about and they were easy pickings for them. He has also lost 2 of his dogs, one on Christmas Eve. Another neighbour lost a dog which really knocked him back. You get so caught up in your own little world, that you can't see the worry of others. Another house I look after is going through a tough time. Its owner is... Sign in to see full entry.

Well we are now at the point where we think we can dismiss the social service carers, and manage ourselves. Mother feels we don't need them any more, and can handle the whole thing ourselves. We were given a hospital bed, which meant Mother could have a room downstairs. But she is determined to get up and down the stairs. I brought her a new mattress and everything is ready for her to go back to her bedroom, I will still have to help her get up and down stairs, but she is determined to make it.... Sign in to see full entry.

Things are going well for us now, and Mother is wondering how long we need the caregivers to come in. There is nothing they do that we can't do between us, and once we get over the embarrassment of it all, I agree. We have the money side of things to sort out, but I'm confident, it will sort itself out. Nothing to worry about moneywise. I do have to buy Mother a new mattress for her bed. Then she can go back to her room. The next problem is getting her to climb the stairs. She is determined to... Sign in to see full entry.

Once I told Mother how much it would cost us to keep paying for the social care service, she told me she is now determined to get better. In the new year, she says she wants to return to her old room, even if she has to crawl up the stairs on her hands and knees. She would do it too! The doctors have told us there is nothing really wrong with her, other than recovering from flu and the fall. She caught the infection from the hospital. We have had a running battle with the prescription, but... Sign in to see full entry.