Warped thoughts

By food4thought - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Thursday, October 28, 2004

The “economic recovery”

I’ve heard there is an economic recovery underway in this nation of ours. Oh, really? Pray tell just who is recovering. Those same that got the big tax cut? If it is supposed to be trickling down, it’s taking it’s dear sweet time. In our corner of the woods we are in a constant state of economic recession. Things never really get rolling here in the hinterlands. Maybe in New York, Chicago, Dallas, or L.A. they are starting to notice something, but again I’ll wager it’s only in the boardrooms of... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:51 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Humor escapes me.

What is funny tonight? I don’t know! It is time to update the humor blog, but I am humor challenged at this point. The cold of winter has taken all the fun out of the air. Oh sure, there are those sick individuals that find skiing, snowboarding and snowmobiling fun. The trouble is, you have to go outside to do these things on a cold-assed mountain top. The best part is the lodge time at the end of the day, drinking hot-buttered rum to ease the aches and pains. Skip the mountain and start on the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:02 PM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, October 22, 2004

Political Ads.

Tired of political ads that are meant to be hard-hitting, but they aren’t quite? Crapload news has found some ads that have been pulled by their sponsors. Like this one---- “Hi, my name is Joe Politician. I can tell you how many abortions my worthy opponent has had and he has had quite few let me tell you. You may think you will get a representative with him, but all he gives is lip service. Take a closer look, those aren’t double chins, he has two lower lips from all the lip service. He... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:30 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Soap Operas Digested.

Yes dear friends, it’s an all new soap with plot twists you’ll never see coming! The premise is; every character has amnesia, not only that, they all think they are the Lone Ranger so each person wears a mask then on top of that to save production costs the whole thing is filmed in the dark! You’ll be on the edge or your seat and probably your chair as well when you watch Way past the edge of night! Premiers tomorrow except where prohibited by law. Other soap titles re-worked for maximum warp... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 6:58 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, October 18, 2004

Mining school.

When I was in college my minor was mining. Why? I don’t know, I just dug it. In the end I flunked out of the class but they wouldn’t refund my money so I guess I got the shaft, I just didn’t get mining. I even wrote poems about “somewhere ore the rainbow…” but all I got was fool’s gold. I tried to mine some quicksilver but it was, well, too quick. There was no market for slow silver, at least at that time. I once thought a small bird on a branch was trying to tell me there was a solder mine at... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:28 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Beau Flex.

The combination boyfriend, workout system that will put a smile on your face and firmness in your thighs. He is adjustable, poseable, bendable a virtual life sized Gumby, anatomically correct and politically incorrect. Best yet, after he has taken the garbage out, just put him in the closet until next time you feel an urge for companionship or a little bronc ridin’. Ships same day in plain brown wrapper. Side effects may include wistful sighing, loss of belly fat and loss of reality. Allow six... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:04 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Mechanically declined.

It is said the GMC stands for “got a mechanic coming” and that has never been more true than now. My old faithful ’76 GMC pickup has decided to throw me a curve. It just popped at a stoplight, then started missing and running horribly. These engines are famous for burning through the ignition rotor. So I replaced that and the cap, to no avail even though the rotor was bad by a mile and the cap was only suspicious. Next it was the plugs. Still crappy. Finally a valve cover revealed a rocker loose... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 7:38 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, October 15, 2004

Fun knee.

These are serious times. That is why we need serious humor. What am I talking about? How should I know, I just made it up, right now. So lets explore this new old thing. Speaking of new and old, why is it always new-fangled and old-fashioned? Why can’t there be some new-fashioned things or some old-fangled things. Like bellbottom pants. Both rolled into one with a little flair. We should consider ourselves lucky that John Kerry didn’t say, “apparently lesbian relationships are something... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:26 PM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Whuddya think?

Could it be said that lesbians are broad minded? When mathematicians gather for a Pizza, do they figure out how many pieces they need by dividing by pi? Did old-fashioned cowboys ever go for a cattle “test drive”? After looking at Chihuahuas and other small dogs, I wonder if this downsizing continues, how long before fleas will have dogs? Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:43 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, October 4, 2004

A country song, Frozen Love.

Thoughts of yew are always near to me. In case I got hit by a train I wanted you to have a little something so I could be more than just memories in your brain. So I went to Phil’s Sperm bank and Deli down in the holler. No longer in self-pity do I have to waller! (Chorus) Cause now you got my frozen love upon yer freezer shelf. A sterile plastic jar that’s plum full ‘o myself. Yes it’s my frozen love, ‘n you kin give me lots of thanks as you look at that little jar right next to the Ballpark... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 5:47 PM | add or view comments (9) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

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About this Blog

Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an occasional pun. All original, I only tell jokes at parties.

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