Warped thoughts

By food4thought - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Sunday, December 5, 2004

The handwriting is off the wall.

A friend once described my sense of humor as “off the wall.” I took it as a compliment, having earlier in my life been branded as somewhat of a “wall flower.” Being shy isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It means one gets ignored. Life is ignorant enough as it is without adding to the burden. When I was growing up, I noticed that within our small circle of friends that comprised of three young families, one of the fathers was always cracking wise and a humorous quip was sure to come out his mouth... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, December 3, 2004

No laughing matter.

Humor is in the eye of the beholder. Particularly true of the beholder is Larry, Curly or Moe. Trying to come up with blogs for the humor section should be easy. There are lots of subjects around. It’s just that some things I find amusing, others may find distasteful. I would hate to have a world wide web full of Lily Tomlins that find my sense of the ridiculous, ridiculous. Suppose I made fun of internet porn. Some may find this subject something not to be made light of as they slump in a... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, December 1, 2004

A Rose;

By any other name would still cost too much! How much can one pay for a cut flower that is already wilting? Roses may be beautiful but really now, why should one have to re-finance the house to get something that is already dead? Thank you pretty little flower girl on the corner, the check will be in the mail. Now there’s a ready made punch line if I ever heard one. One day I came home to the sight of my soggy pay stub on the counter and my neighbor was talking to my wife while his two Mastiff... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, November 29, 2004

How to warp a thought.

An instructional blog, brought to you by the letters Q and A. While warped thoughts may be fun for the reader, they are difficult for the writer. To warp a thought, begin by pulling the ends apart, wrapping (or rapping) them around the middle, back through the left edge then tie those same two ends together in reverse order and simply dot the i. While it all my seem fanciful and circuitous, quite the opposite is true, it is all circuitous and fanciful. If you asked me to give you an example of a... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Morning, stay thy entrance.

Sleep, beautiful sleep has encrusted my eyes. The bed and covers are warm, I am about as happy as a human can be, but there begins to be a suspicion that my happiness is short lived. Sitting on the dresser is a device that now silent, will soon shake my world and make me want to hurl shoes at it. The alarm clock/radio. I lie in wait, like Bill Murray in Ground Hog’s Day knowing that soon my dream involving the most beautiful woman I have ever seen will be shattered by some inane DJ’s yakking... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, November 19, 2004

Yes, Sir! The Yasser Arafat story coming to a TV near you!

Yasser Arafat was barely in the ground before Hollywood movie moguls began plotting to make a movie of the beloved terrorists life. Set to play the part of Yassar is Ringo Starr. Jaques Chirac will be played by Gerard Depradeau. It is the heart cooling story of bombs and betrayal as Arafat rose from being a goofy looking kid to being a goofy looking ersatz world leader. The director is rumored to be Quentin Terentino according to outsiders. Another choice could be Sam “more slo-mo explosions”... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

To blog or not to blog…

Ideas wrestled for parking space inside my head all day at work. I laughed so hard I was drooling. It unsettled my co-workers to the point where they all formed a semi-circle (it’s a small company) around be and sang “hang down your head, Tom drooly!” I fit in well here. We are a small well digging firm. The hardest part is hauling the hole out for the well. We lose a lot of them off the truck since we can’t see to strap them down. Oh sure, we think they are secure, but when we get to the... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, November 15, 2004

A repost if I may.

Leave me alone Ah ‘tis fall, and an old man’s fancy turns to thoughts of raking leaves. As I look for the rake, further threats of moving into a condo are forming along the edges of my disenchantment. Raking leaves is what really drove Scrooge over the edge. Wet soppy flattened leaves that by now have been impaled by the spiny grass. The rake is hanging just where I knew it would be, under the garden cultivator, shovel, shears, and snow shovel. I know it never works to take all those implements... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

Who am I to say?

Today’s inspiration is brought to you by the letter I. Yes that little word that allows us to refer to ourselves when we are revering ourselves. “Well I would have taken the I-5 to the 205 and used exit 12 because I find it to be less hassle.” “Oh really, well I rode with a good friend and our route was pretty slick, by the have you met my friend, Les Hassle? Les, this is Ima Buttinsky.” What was I thinking? There is no I in team, unless you play for the DetroIt LIons, PIstons or the ChIcago... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, November 12, 2004

Bent logic.

Some days are trying to run the crossing gate at the railroad of life. Bells clang, lights blink, barricades lever down and still fate takes you into that dangerous zone known as Friday. Everyone hopes to get off early on Friday, which explains why they put everything off until Friday. “Well shit, we’ll never get all that done today, we might as well knock off early and hit it hard Monday.” That of course is your inner mind. Your boss’s inner mind says, “What the f—k? Leave early? This has to be... Sign in to see full entry.

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About this Blog

Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an occasional pun. All original, I only tell jokes at parties.

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