Warped thoughts

By food4thought - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Screwy headlines

Ethics reform bill signed by Bush. So, the story says, “President Bush signed a bill Friday that will require lawmakers to disclose more about their efforts to fund pet projects and raise money from lobbyists, a measure that backers call the biggest ethics reform in decades.” Ok, that sounds like standard government fare, but the next story suggests, at least to me, a connection, a sinister connection the Democrats are sure to pick up on any day now. Vets say dog treats may be hurting pets. Well... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

New Fall shows

Crapload News uncovers Fall shows the networks have ready just in case their usual mindless fare needs to be replaced. First we have the story of a family man, a doctor specializing in silicone implants. This half-witty situation comedy borrows from a favorite ‘50s show both in theme and title. Yes, you’re sure to love “Father knows breast!” Fred Savage returns to television playing the 43 rd president of the United States in this insightful inside look at politics and the White House. In nod to... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, September 10, 2007

That’s entertainment?

Britney Spears forgets how to do her job. It’s a case of lips that don’t synch, sinking a ship that failed to give even lip service to performing. I was going to say that Ms. Spears isn’t a pimple on entertainment’s ass, but apparently a lot of people find entertainment in her failure. It’s like watching “the big one” during a NASCAR race. Oh, we know we shouldn’t salivate at mayhem and destruction but we can’t help but at least peek. Should we think of it as a dumb-ass diving into an empty pool... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Nursery Rhyme Politics.

Red State. Blue State. Fred State. You State. Politicians all fat Cause they stayed up late And ate. Green eggs and ham? If it gets votes They don’t dive a damn! Hillary had a little lamb And tried to fleece us all You know. And everywhere that Hillary went Bill will surely go. Obama didn’t invent the internet But may be pre-disposed to host a dog fight The reason simply put: His Barak is worse than his byte! Jack and Jill (which of course symbolically is you and me) went up to capitol hill all... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Fleeting humor.

Humor is such a tenuous thing. What I may find funny, you may find appalling. If I make fun of politicians, you may be a political science major. Political science, that’s an interesting concept. First, look at the science part and remember the saying, “I before E except after C.” Yeah, tell that to a scientist. There are many fields of science that deal with gravity, chemistry, medicine and the like. But what is the leading mantra of political science? Physics has E=mc2 but what does political... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, September 3, 2007

Are you working on Labor Day?

After all, doesn’t it sound like a day for labor? Stores of all kinds are celebrating by having sales. Their employees don’t get a day off. In fact, not many people probably get the day off outside of government, teachers and a few people in small businesses. I am working on avoiding doing work, but so far I have failed. I have done two dryer’s full of laundry, a little blogging and am getting ready to do some painting. The painting may grind to a halt if the color isn’t what we want. Who are... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, August 31, 2007

Avoiding airport entrapment Getting arrested in the bathroom of your favorite (or least favorite) airport is something to add to the list of things the weary traveler must be wary of. Apparently, tapping one’s foot while in the stall is somehow a sign that your are soliciting homosexual, well, er, sex. A certain senator from a certain mountain state is in trouble right now for that very thing. Now really, don’t you think there is a little more to it than that? Does the tapping somehow convey... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Do you suppose?

Early to bed, early to rise was a marketing ploy by the alarm clock industry? If a stitch in time saves nine, then a sewing machine must be priceless. If the early bird gets the worm, what does the even earlier worm get? If a fool and his money are easily parted, what of a fool and his hair? See a penny pick it up, all the day you’ll have good luck, but most likely it won’t be in matters fiduciary. If they are called interest rates, why don’t people find them very interesting? If the workers at... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Cows go on strike!

Bovines stressed by demands for more milk. Spokescow, Ima Notso Happie didn’t want to answer any questions, seems she wasn’t in the Mooood. She did issue an official statement on behalf of bovines everywhere, “we are outstanding in our field, but these new requirements have us udderly distressed! You ain’t gonna got milk!” The butter industry sided with the cows and is trying to churn up support. “After all,” butter industry representative Shure Ima Yellow argued pointedly, “why should the cows... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

A word to the wise

Since you’re wise, you gotta read it, right? Of course! Count yourself among the elite since only the most erudite, hip, sophisticated and intelligent read these words. Some words to the wise, “look before you leap.” But then we have “he who hesitates is lost.” That’s the key, men, when you pull up to an intersection swiveling your head like Linda Blair in The Exorcist that little hesitation tells the female of the species that you are lost. Female: Uh, you’re lost aren’t you? Male: No, I just... Sign in to see full entry.

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About this Blog

Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an occasional pun. All original, I only tell jokes at parties.

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