Warped thoughts

By food4thought - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Writer’s strike, whatever shall we do?

The nation is in for some dark days as television grinds to a halt in the wake of the Hollywood writer’s strike. Wait a minute, am I to believe that all that late-night banter isn’t spontaneous, but written? Jay, David and Conan don’t come up with all that clever stuff off-the-cuff? You know, it must be hard being a TV writer, having to do all your work long hand with felt markers on those big-assed cue cards, what a drag it must be to take your work home with you. But really, I admire those... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

It’s the great Charlie, Pumpkin Brown

The world is a strange place to a dyslexic. Or is it? Maybe that’s how the world really is and all the rest of y’all are the strange ones. Didja ever think about that? If someone advises you to “stop and smell the roses” go to the neighborhood bar and make it Four Roses that you’re smelling and soon you’ll be looking at the world through rose colored glasses that are half full, mostly. In the old days when they made silent movies did someone yell, “quiet on the set!”? If it’s “early to bed and... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Do you miss your train of thought?

Mine pulled out of the station while I was still trying to get the motion activated toilet to flush. Why do we need all these automated devices anyway? I’ll tell you why (and you knew I would) it’s to make us so lazy and reliant on technology that we literally won’t be able to lift a finger in our own defense when the Codless Commies come to git us. What the Commies have against Cod fish I don’t exactly know, but I heard it on the Russian Limburger talk radio show. This summer I offered to take... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

How do you name a pet?

I once had a pet Salmon, named her Ella I did and for good reason, who would eat my pet with a name like that? My pet rat was named Fink. Naming a pet should be done with all due care and caution. That is how we ended up with a kitten named Puta. Well, since her mother was named (hang onto your hats) Cat, and her sister was Rosita Bonita Cat Jr. we just had to go with the Spanish motif and she was such a looker and a flirt. The others in the litter were twin tabbies we called Ned and Fred. The... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Its odd

Or maybe its even, if I even knew what was odd that is. Oddly enough, I don’t even have a clue where this is going, even if the clue was blue since my kids were too old to cash in on the Blue’s Clue’s thing. What are today’s kids focusing on, Thomas the lead base painted train made in Hong Kong? Toys are the universal experience of childhood even though they may take different forms, they all require imagination to be fully appreciated. I remember getting a double cap-gun and holster set, a... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

A word of caution with a photo for proof

Halloween can cause people to do foolish things. Take me for example, I thought it would be fun to dress up as “Larry the Cable Guy” but with a Northwest accent. It was cold, so the sleeveless shirt was out, unless one put it on over a gray sweatshirt, very Northwest chic. But what is Larry without a baseball cap with a fishhook in it? Ok, I don’t have any fishhooks, so a pegboard hook would have to do. Then for effect, I put an alligator clip on the top of the hat along with a clothespin and a... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

About that nagging

Women seem to think they have a right, no, a duty to nag at men. Oh sure, deny it all you want, but I’ve heard my own sister talk about how she has to nag her husband to get things done. One thing I’ve learned, is nagging is a one-way street and God help the hapless fool (oh, I don’t know, me for instance) who takes leave of his senses and tries to put the shoe on the other foot. Women don’t want to walk a mile in our shoes when it comes to nagging. They don’t even want to walk in our shoes,... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

A long time ago…

Maybe not be so long ago to some of us. “Where did you put your car keys?” “I don’t know.” “But you just had them this morning.” “Yeah, but that was a long time ago and I think far, far away.” “No, it was 11:30.” “Like I said, a loooooooooong time ago, what time is it now?” “Two minutes after 12:00” “Uh, huh, see, a really, really, really llllllooooooooooooooooooooooong time ago.” “What’s that in your hand?” “A sandwich, I thought you knew what those were.” “No, your other hand.” “Huh, er, well,... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

It starts one leaf at a time.

Not long ago I was marveling at the first leaf on the tree to achieve “maturity” in other words, it had started to turn fall colors. The deep reds and oranges flanked by bright yellow made the leaf an artwork unto itself. But wait just a minute here, I began to suspect a conspiracy at work. First one leaf becomes “different” then all it’s buddies and relatives will want to follow. Sure enough, it wasn’t long before entire trees and whole bushes bore the bright coloration of fall, followed by... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Do you suppose?

Is there a urologist with the unfortunate name of Dr. Dick Peters? Maybe a Middle-Eastern dentist named I-Ben Pullen? How about a psychiatrist named Ben Looney? Ok, there really is a person in these parts named Ben Looney, but he’s not a shrink. All right, lets consider a bee-keeper named Buzz Stang. There has to have been an actor named Fay Kinnit, don’t you think? Wasn’t the head of Enron named U. R. Scrood? Well, it should have been. Surely there is a prostitute who goes by the handle of E.Z.... Sign in to see full entry.

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About this Blog

Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an occasional pun. All original, I only tell jokes at parties.

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