Warped thoughts

By food4thought - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Friday, November 30, 2007

Snow joke

We life in a deep freeze. Actually, it is probably warmer in my freezer than it is outside right now, a crisp 6.4 degrees F. according to my digital thermometer. The worst thing about eating yellow snow is when your tongue sticks to the shovel you used to pick it up. Do you have any idea how ridiculous one looks with a snow shovel stuck to their tongue? It raises hell with one’s diction too. Stiction of the diction sets your brain a twitchen. Oh sure, it’s magical when you go outside and the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:43 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, November 29, 2007

In the lane, snow is glisnen’

In the garage the snow shovel is not. It is all rusty and bent with a handle held together by no less than two and a half rolls of duct tape. Really, I would be better off to get one of those new space age jobs with the ergonomic handle. Then I remembered I tried one once. It made my back feel like I had been riding a mechanical bull with a bag of cement on each shoulder. And the snow just fell off the thing. I think they should have make the curvature of the shovel part just the opposite of... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 4:23 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Modern marvel or mysterious mystery?

I could hear the ocean, only I wasn’t holding a sea-shell to my ear. Speaking of which, I knew a girl once who sold sea-shells by the sea shore and she was a daughter of Dinah Shore, or maybe that was Paully, I’m confused which is a direct result of residual shower water in my ears. Isn’t it odd how little things like a drop of water in one’s ear can be so upsetting? Ah, but there is the friend of the shower-taker, the Q-tip. I suppose I should refer to it in the generic term, cotton swabs... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 4:44 PM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, November 26, 2007

No I haven’t been on strike

Sitting down, yes, but a sit down strike, no. Since we bloggers are writers, sort of, should we honor the TV writer’s strike? Oh, I forgot, that only happens when you get paid. Now that re-runs have taken over we will soon endure the re-runs of all the holiday specials of years gone by as well. Before you know it, George will be saying, “hello you old broken down car!” and running through Bedford Falls like a madman, or a writer who just got a lot more royalties thanks to a strike. But for now,... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 10:37 PM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, November 16, 2007

Caution!

Humor can have snide effects. Or is it snide affects? Effectively, I didn’t know until I used the Thesaurus function in Word. Yes, I am aware that many young people are under the impression that a Thesaurus was a dinosaur that roamed the halls of Oxford back before the Beatles existed. Sometimes I effect an English accent, but it doesn’t affect the high regard most people don’t have for me so it isn’t all that affective. This week, however, I think the one thing uppermost in people’s minds is... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:45 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, November 15, 2007

The olde Thursday Blues

Thursday, not quite Friday, but much better than Monday, a lot of people start celebrating the weekend on Thirst Day. This Bud’s for you. If marijuana is legalized, will Aneheuser Bush sue the pot grower’s of America for infringing on the “this bud’s for you” slogan? Will the PGA (you know, golfers) sue the pot grower’s of America for improper use of their acronym? Will the PGA (smokers, motto: We used to have a motto, but we forget what it was) invest heavily in Domino’s Pizza? I haven’t heard... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:58 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Taking Star Trek where it has never gone before

Captain James T. Kirk studied the message on the communicator screen thoughtfully. Finally, he turned to the communications officer and asked, “Uhura….what……..exactlydoyou…think……this…..means?” “Well captain,” Uhura spoke with the same edge on her voice a mother has after telling a three-year-old for the fourteenth time to wipe the mud off his feet before he comes inside, “unless I misunderstand English and my Phd in communication was a complete waste of time, they want to know if we want to be... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 10:48 PM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, November 12, 2007

Desperately seeking humor

Publish or perish, a sentiment that is as true on Blogit as anywhere else in the publishing world. It’s late and I need something funny to post. I could go on about being so feeble minded I can’t find my car keys, but I know right where they are. They are on the same ring with the keys for work, which of course, means I will still have to go to work tomorrow, that is unless I can’t find the car. I know right where it is as well, and giving the shape it’s in, it’s not likely someone will take it... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 10:39 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, November 10, 2007

If we were smart.

Wisdom. We all crave it. We seek after it in books and libraries. I’ve found that the print media is a good source of knowledge but in my case I can chocolate up to experience. Speaking of experience, on a completely unrelated subject, we have a grandmother clock. The numerals are not the classic Roman, rather they are Tulips, Gardenias, Gladiolus, etc. Also adding to the unique flavor of this timepiece is when it chimes on the flowers. So, if you have some Hickory trees and they have developed... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 11:07 PM | add or view comments (9) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, November 9, 2007

A new Bruce Willies movie.

Yes it is Bruce at his violent best taking on the underworld, the overworld, Wally World and the world of fast food. Some may think he is a mild mannered drive up window attendant at a popular fast food restaurant but Bruce knows criminals have to eat too and most are too stupid to cook for themselves, so he is ready when they drive up to his restaurant. Roger Egglebert says, “from the first bag of fries to the final scene with a Mafia Boss being run through the milk shake machine, you’ll find... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 5:45 PM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

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About this Blog

Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an occasional pun. All original, I only tell jokes at parties.

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