Warped thoughts

By food4thought - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Is the world spinning or am I just dizzy?

The wind blows and so do fans. Some sports fans more than others, blowhards that is. Big Brown promises to take horse racing’s Triple Crown, then comes up dead last, which is better than being just dead I guess. Which makes me wonder, if it’s true they sell old horses to the glue factory, do they use old race horses to make fast-drying glue? Just think about it. Ok, now stop thinking about it. Today my mind is drifting, like a dandelion seed on the wind, so beer with me. But make it a light... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 4:52 PM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, June 27, 2008

Spaced out news

After millions of dollars and millions of miles (ok, maybe billions on both counts) the Mars explorers are on the surface and hard at work. So far, one has dug a hole and encountered a white substance. Since Whitney Houston is still on Earth, it was speculated that the stuff was ice and if it was, it would disappear from the hole over time. Sure enough, the ice was gone later on. It had sublimated or gone directly to a vapor state, sort of like the U.S. economy, overnight. I don’t know about... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 6:42 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Endless summer, the reality version.

Two guys set off on a quest to surf year round in “The Endless Summer” a movie some of us may remember from yesteryear. I’m here to tell you the real version of “the endless summer” and it ain’t purty. It starts like this, mow the lawn, water the lawn, mow the lawn, water the lawn, rains make mowing impossible for two weeks, mow the lawn, lawn turns brown from being cut too much, water the lawn, fertilize the lawn, mow the lawn like crazy, lawn turns brown from too much fertilizer, water the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:23 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Things you didn’t know you wanted to know.

An avian version of Smokey and the Bandit is rumored to be in the works. A spokesman for Crapload Productions said they finally found what they were looking for as the driver of the Trans Am in rising star, Bird Reynolds, but Crapload News entertainment division feels he will just be winging it! Goodnight Holy Wood! Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:01 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Them ol’ summertime blues

Summertime, and the livin’ is easy, or so the song goes. Ok, I don’t know where the author lived(s) but summer and easy aren’t two things that go together, unless you’re dating Paris Hilton in August. Heh, heh. Before you can string up that hammock in the back yard and flop down with a tall glass of lemonade, there are things that need to be done. First, one must mow the yard just to be able to find those two trees upon which to hang the aforementioned hammock. Then, of course, the trees must be... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 6:28 PM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Don’t bother me, I’m multi-tasking!

Men have been accused of only being able to do one thing at a time. Not true. Take me for instance, I can sit in a chair (1) watch TV (2) drink a beer (3) talk on the phone with my brother (4) discuss whether Jr. should have only taken 2 tires on that last pit stop (4) madly flip through channels during the commercials (5) and lastly, but certainly not least, scratch my “private area” (6). Of course all this tires me out so I have to revert to that one mono task men do so well, take a nap (1).... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 1:20 PM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Trying to keep abreast of the times.

I have a breast, two in fact, but I keep them hidden under my shirt, which is why its called an undershirt, doncha know. Old man breasts scare and confuse children, or so I’ve heard. Mine aren’t pouty, just fuzzy. Wow it’s sure hard to stay relevant these days. I could just ask the age old question, “what are those big things on each side of Dumbo’s head?” but that would be irrelevant. Give it a few minutes, you’ll be banging your head on the keyboard for sure. Another thing for sure, my keys... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 5:46 PM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Woman marries Eiffel Tower…

Honeymoons in Paris! Ya think? A 37 year old named Erika La Tour Eiffel (now) has an unusual condition called Objectum-Sexuality or a severe fetish for inanimate objects. What I want to know is, who gave away the groom? Only in France could the groom remain erect through the whole ceremony. Did they consummate the marriage? STOP THAT! I’m sorry, I can’t help it, the whole thing is too ludicrous not to be real. I keep having thoughts like, “hey, if she’s pregnant, will she give birth to an... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 10:31 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, June 9, 2008

Beggin for mercy

Heard the song? Catchy little number, done by a girl named Duffy from Welshland. I think. I heard it on the radio and have been wondering who she was. Now I know, sort of. I also know that there is a “big” controversy over the videos of that song. Haven’t heard of that earth shaking blog topic? Just go to You Tunes and search Duffy and you will see the two video and all the terribly earnest posts about the two videos. Oh, yes there are bigger issues out there these days, but this one grips the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:15 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Be a smart shopper.

Avoid tire shops that have blowout sales. Be wary of pool and spa stores advertising liquidation sales. Maybe at a quarry with rock bottom prices you will turn over a bargain or two. I hate any kind of sale-a-thon or sale-a-bration. Our town has annual sidewalk sales and moonlight madness sales, thinly disguised events designed to get rid of old and out of date stock. American icons can’t be taken seriously unless they have their own sales, witness the president’s day sales and now even Martin... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 6:21 AM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

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About this Blog

Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an occasional pun. All original, I only tell jokes at parties.

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