Snow joke
What did the left hand say to the right hand in the dead of winter? “I don’t know about you, but I’m in the mood for glove!” Sign in to see full entry.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Blow it out your ass!
The answer to the nations’ energy crisis? Is old food4thought putting us on? You may very well ask that, but I only offer you the truth, whether you admit it or not. Ok, ok, I know I’ve posted this insightful piece before, twice before to be exact, but right now, it is even more relevant than it ever was or may ever be. Herewith, I present to you an idea that may have merits, or maybe needs to be written on toilet paper so it gets the proper respect, as our friends as Fox network say, “you... Sign in to see full entry.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
I almost got a blow job
The one I wanted was out of stock. What? Er, ok, I might have phrased that badly. You see I have a job for a snow blower so technically that headline ~snicker~ is correct. Winter is far from over up here and the berms around the house where the snow slid off the metal roof are nearly as tall as I am. I figure when it starts to get softer, ~snicker, snicker~I will move it into the lawn to keep water from causing the foundation to settle, not a job I want to do with a shovel. I don’t dig... Sign in to see full entry.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Two frogs and a bass violin
A magician turned me into Shetland Pony. I feel no ill after affects but I am a little hoarse. How about some new clichés for the day? A smart horse doesn’t waste any time, but a smart ass wastes everyone’s time. When young horses are playing grab-ass, do their parents scold them and say, “all right children, no people play!”? I have said before that you can lead a horse to water but you will probably get your shoes wet. That beats what happens when you try to push a horse to water. Why are old... Sign in to see full entry.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Thinking on a perpendicular plane.
True inspiration is never appreciated. I work in R&D. It is our job to research and develop. Part of our mission is to think outside of the box. It was just that inspiration that allowed me to develop a new breakfast cereal (which was in truth our old cereal) and put in a package that would distinguish it from the competition. What I cam up with was a standard cardboard box, but then I put the product in a clear plastic wrap so the cereal was visible to the consumer. Not only that, it was... Sign in to see full entry.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
This serious business of humor
Being funny is not easy. Then again, its not all that hard, all I do is exaggerate mine and everyone else’s foibles in such a way it makes the reader feel better about themselves. Besides, they know I’m really kidding, no one could be as accident prone as I propose to be. It’s a little like Steve Martin with the arrow through the head gag. It was funny because it was so obviously cheesy. So when I wrote a long account of buying a new snow thrower it was my version of an arrow through the head,... Sign in to see full entry.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
How to make a joke.
Take three disparate elements, such as a nun a giraffe and a bartender. Put them in an unlikely situation, a bowling alley for example. Imagine a completely off the wall set up preferably a non-sequiter at the start. A doctor asks them if they have rented shoes. The Nun says “no, my soles are holy, they will not soil your alley.” The giraffe says, “I’m a professional, I have my own shoes.” The bartender says, “I’m only here to get my balls polished!” Monica Lewinsky emerges from the back room... Sign in to see full entry.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Advertising slogans that missed the mark
Deep fried earthworms, betcha can’t eat just one! Messygill non-disposable douche, don’t you dare throw it away! Bernie Madoff investements, sometimes the name says it all! Announcing the Ski-Don’t snowmobiles newest model, the Avalanche! Sign in to see full entry.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Mr. Fixit’s time out
Hi, Mr. Fixit here and am I ever pissed! It’s late at night and instead of relaxing in front of the T.V. or amusing myself on Blogit, I am messing with a carburetor. No, not that tool of the devil from the ‘60s used to incinerate certain herbs in ritual events, that tool of the devil that sits under the hood of my ’76 GMC pickup. I guess I really only have myself to blame. I am cheap and I fancy myself to have some mechanical inclination. By the way, a mechanical inclination can be thought of as... Sign in to see full entry.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Porn bailout???
Hard times for the porn industry? Government to launch exhausting probe to penetrate smut peddlers claim of insolvency. It seems the Girls Have Gone Mild as far as bank accounts go and Larry Flynt of Hustler notoriety has approached the government for financial assistance. Boy, talk about putting the ass in assistance, there you have it. Just think of it, if the porno mags go down (oh yeah, pun intended) what will become of the KY industry? A researcher, my right hand man to be exact, suggested... Sign in to see full entry.