Warped thoughts

By food4thought - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Valentine’s decorations.

At last the Valentine Rose Bush is decorated with blown glass candy heart replicas complete with snazzy phrases such as: Kiss me quick, before the Viagra wears off. Or the perennial favorite: Love me, my Herpes is in remission. Don’t forget the Hillbilly favorite: You kiss your mother with that tongue? Or the newly added: Don't tell me them 14 babies is mine. The Valentine lights are up outside, all red, white and pink bulbs. I carefully and respectfully replaced Jesus in the lighted animated... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:30 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, February 13, 2009

Grammy one-liner etc.

Katy Perry sang “I just kissed a girl and I liked it” at the Grammy Awards Sunday night. Apparently Chris Brown was doing his own rendition which coincidentally was called, “I just kicked a girl and I liked it!” Who knew? Republicans claimed they wanted to participate in the new Obama administration in a show of bi-partisanship. With the latest cabinet appointee bowing out and claiming something along the lines of “I didn’t realize there would be such great differences of opinion on policy... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 6:20 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

The creative process

How do WE do it? Yes you as well as me. I assume if you are reading this, then you are also a writer, or maybe like me, you are someone who thinks they are a writer. And as we all know from Renee Descartes cousin, Bernard Duhmasse who used Descetes’ familiar cogito as the bases for his own theory, “I think I’m a writer…Therefore, I am a writer.” Whether or not we are writers is really a rhetorical question. I almost said parenthetical question but then I realized I didn’t really know what that... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:40 PM | add or view comments (6) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

New T.V. show

Michael Phelps as James Bong! The secret agent without a clue and a bad case of the munchies. 7-11 clerk: May I help you sir? James Bong: Uh, yeah, you got some red ink on your forehead dude, but seriously I would like some Cheetos, shaken not stirred. Maybe it’s a parody too easy but certainly one for our times. James Bong discovers secret weapons on his car. James Bong (to mechanic): Uh, like when I push this button it makes a whirring noise, is that a machine gun? Mechanic: No, that’s the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:32 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, February 9, 2009

A Rose;

By any other name would still cost too much! How much should one pay for a cut flower that is already wilting? Roses may be beautiful but really now, why should one have to re-finance the house to get something that is already dead? Thank you pretty little flower girl on the corner, the check will be in the mail. Now there’s a ready-made punch line if I ever heard one. One day I came home to the sight of my soggy pay stub on the counter and my neighbor was talking to my wife while his two... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:19 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Am I crazy?

It has been suggested that yours truly has too much time on his hands, or maybe I am crazy. Anyone that thinks I have too much spare time is crazy. But then, if you are reading me, you’re not crazy at all, not yet at least. From time to time it may seem as if I am trying to drive you crazy. Guilty as charged, but I am only trying to draw you into the world inside my head. The one inhabited by my alter ego, the maniac that has a smart-ass answer for everything. The one that could get a person... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:21 PM | add or view comments (9) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, February 6, 2009

Waiting to exhale

Michael Phelps! Who on the planet hasn’t written about this incident yet? Me! But I’m about to take care of that. I just saw an interview on T.V. and the reporter asked him, “A lot of people wonder, what were you thinking?” I listened to his answer, no doubt penned by a publicist, but my mind was wandering to my own warped version of his answer, to whit: Oh wow, I don’t know, it was just, like you know everybody was doing it and I got caught up in the moment, I had never tried it before, I had a... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 5:32 AM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Don’t judge me!

Holy crap, did I insinuate that I watch Judge Judy? Of course I did, as part of a self-deprecating joke. Really, I did have to watch her long enough to make fun of her, otherwise how would I know about that voice that is a cross between a bagpipe and a chainsaw? That and her pinched up face, she looks like she has been sucking on lemons, limes and onions all day. I suppose there is some entertainment value to be had watching her berate the morons who appear on her show. This is the judicial... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:20 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Not ready for prime time.

The digital transition has fallen on hard times. It seems some folks haven’t gotten their doo-doo together enough to get off their couch-lined asses and get those converter boxes, new TVs, satellite or cable hook ups. How could people not be ready? It has been on every TV station for the last two years, nearly non-stop. If these idiots haven’t seen the notice, they probably don’t watch that much TV and wouldn’t notice the difference till June anyway. Mr. Obama, a little tough love here, those... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:49 PM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Ok, Ok, you thought the last one was bad!?!

Times are getting tough. We all need to do what we can to survive. Case in point: A fellow I knew, a biological engineer by trade thought he had come up with the solution to the problem of feeding the world and supplying biomass for conversion to oil and oil by-products. You see, he had genetically engineered a strain of super bean plants. They would grow so high that the tops were obscured by the clouds. He also told me something about giants, but being from England, he must have eaten some bad... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:20 PM | add or view comments (7) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

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About this Blog

Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an occasional pun. All original, I only tell jokes at parties.

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