Warped thoughts

By food4thought - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Are you old enough?

To remember Carters Little Liver Pills? Considering how much I dislike liver, it’s a good thing they weren’t big liver pills. How about Doan’s back pain relief pills? Good old Doan, run out of business by Zantac. When I grew up it was a choice between Speedy Alka-Seltzer and Bayer Aspirin. The new kid on the block in those days was something called Bufferin. As if that weren’t enough to deal with we suddenly found out our headaches could be Excedrin headaches. Then an avalanche began to rumble... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

On the nature of humor

What is funny? A man stands in front of a building. The front of the building falls over and miraculously, he is spared as a door opening drops right where he is standing. We all laugh. This Buster Keaton clip is a classic in the world of comedy and features that tendency to find things that could have been potentially harmful, or even death full to be funny. We also find drunk people funny, when it is a comedian imitating a drunk person. Drunk people on their own, not so funny. So it is when I... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

New TV shows

Crapload News uncovers TV shows the networks have ready just in case their usual mindless fare needs to be replaced. I mean, what if the Survivors don’t Survive? First we have the story of a family man, a doctor who specializes in silicone implants. This half-witty situation comedy borrows from a favorite ‘50s show both in theme and title. Yes, you’re sure to love “Father knows breast!” Madonna stars in a story about a female detective who doesn’t like to shave her body, tentatively titled,... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Train of thought derailed –or- I digress.

My Rorschach test came back B-positive. I paid for it with a check from AIG (Ain’t I Great!) that bounced before the ink was dry on the dotted line. It was then I realized the pen I used was really a mechanical pencil, the same one they use on Wall Street, a Neversharp. Everyone says (well almost no one, unless they are in a position of power) the economy is fundamentally sound but can you blame me if I’m skeptical? Brother can you spare me a paradigm? Sometimes you have to take two old-time... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Words of Wizdumb

You can lead a skunk to boiling water but you still can’t make tea. Just one of the things you will need to know as we meander down this road we call life. We find: The Revolutionary army shivering through the winter at Valley Forge. General Washington bursts from his tent, obviously angry, glares at the sputtering campfire and shouts, “hey, awe dose by teef?” It was the low moment of the war but soon history was being carved out of a nearby tree across the river. When it was complete, an... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Do you want fries with that?

Ok, what if Chesley Sullenburger married Ronald McDonald, divorced him, married Ben Roethlisberger, divorced him and them married Ronal McDonald again, would that make him a double cheese burger? Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

I lost my sense of humor!

I just had it, now where did it go? Next to my car keys? Which must be next to my glasses and of course my false teeth. Oh right, I don’t have false teeth. I wonder who’s these are? I do know if they were mine, they would have bitten me on the butt. I know we all say “bite me” on occasion, but do we really mean it? I think not. Now there is a true statement for you. Oops, I mean me. Also not one you want to say when you applying for a job at a think tank. One day at the Will Think for Food Think... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

State of the Onion.

A re-run from last year, or maybe two years ago, I don’t know! No, I’m not particularly picking on George as you will see. Sorry about the re-run but after I looked at my stock portfolio I’m not in a very humorous mood. CrapLoad News peels back the layers in this eye watering special report. Reporters are gathered around to tell us just exactly what it was everyone said, even though we heard the words perfectly well on our own. Through the magic of electronics, Crapload News has been able to... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Academy Awards – Academic?

Actors work in exotic locales, get paid exorbitant amounts of money and “suffer” the yoke of public adulation. And they get Awards on top of it all? Come on! It must be soooo hard to pretend you’re someone else. Pretend, mind you. Hey, I could qualify for an Award if that’s what it takes. Announcer: And tonight the Academic Award for best performance by an employee calling in sick goes to…..Food4Thought for his thoroughly convincing job of calling in sick from the club house at Pebble Beach as... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Put your legs in the air like you just don’t care

Hey, sex, drugs and rock’n’roll! So what’s with putting your hands in the air like you just don’t care? Hands? Oooohhhh, you rebels putting your hands in the air, well I just don’t care. Ok, at this point I would suggest as you read this to use your Craig Ferguson voice, that’s what I do. I KNOW! Now really, if rock’n’roll is all bout sex and the other stuff, you really have to put your legs in the air. Well, guys not so much unless you are, and you know who you are but I won’t ask, nor will I... Sign in to see full entry.

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About this Blog

Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an occasional pun. All original, I only tell jokes at parties.

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