Thinking Out Loud.

By CunningLinguist - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Opinion

Tuesday, September 6, 2005

Nocturnal Admissions (from way back)

I had a strange dream last night. See if you can interpret it for me. First I get up out of bed and go to the mirror in the bathroom. I notice my reflection has a cup of coffee, but I don't. Then he starts talking to me. He says I've been making him look bad and he doesn't like it. He said that I... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 8:46 AM | add or view comments (7) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, September 5, 2005

SHOWGIRLS

Showgirls is on VH1 tonight. Yeah, that's right -- basic cable. Every single time I watch Showgirls I think to myself: you know, this movie would be so much better without the gratuitous nudity and foul language. The several times I have sat through this cinematic masterpiece, I've busted a gut... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 10:39 AM | add or view comments (15) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, September 4, 2005

Ahead of Our Time

Okay, so how is it that car companies can release 2006 version cars when it's not 2006 yet? That's beyond brand-new! "These muffins are so fresh, they're not even cooked yet!" "I liked you so much better before you were conceived." And how come some car company hasn't taken it further? "Okay, Toyota... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 9:00 AM | add or view comments (7) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, September 3, 2005

Close Encounters Of Some Kind (Re)

Let me tell you about my night last night. I was in the woods, searching for seashells -- my normal routine -- and I noticed this bright green light off in the distance. At first I thought nothing of it, because I figured it was just the same toxic waste gamma rays glowing from the drums that are... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 9:41 AM | add or view comments (12) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, September 1, 2005

A Tragic Love Story

Oxy Jen got her license today (they call her that because she wears so much Clearasil). Yes, she's 16 and a half and old enough to drive. That's how come they gave her her license, you see. Jen asked for permission to borrow the Mom & Pop Chevy for a 'night out with the gals.' Pop asked her how long... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 1:24 PM | add or view comments (13) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Good Thoughts to Gulf Coast

Collective thought can move mountains. Let's send some good thoughts to all those who are going through this crisis right now. The Gulf Coast needs some help. Prayers to all those who have lost. God bless. Also, help if you can with donations. American Red Cross Disaster Relief. Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 2:49 PM | add or view comments (9) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Big Fat Lies (Don't Fear the Repost)

Find me a girl who thinks she's the perfect size. Currently I'm looking for Natalie Holloway and Bigfoot and I bet you I'm closer to finding them than you'd ever come to finding that girl who's content with her body. Even if she was, she wouldn't admit it, because it's almost shameful in our society... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 9:48 AM | add or view comments (9) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, August 29, 2005

OFFENSIVE!

"Herro, Biff's Chinese Takeout. This Cheng speaking." "Hey, Cheng, my name's Dan. Power’s out, because of the hurricane, and I've got a houseful of hot, hungry people and you guys are the only place open -- thank God. You're a lifesaver, Cheng." "Rifesaver, rike candy? Ha ha, no, I work Chinese... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 1:26 PM | add or view comments (11) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Pimp Gimp (from C. L.'s Archives)

We now take you into the life of Dan Silver, a.k.a. "The Pimp Gimp". His home is rather lavish, with the velvet portrait of a nude Willie Nelson and ceramic sculptures of giant hands posed in obscene gestures. The shag carpeting on the ceilings really adds a unique touch. Quite different from the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 4:13 PM | add or view comments (7) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, August 26, 2005

I Digress

Do you think they're any monks named Chip? I wonder what The Chipmunks would sound like on helium. Why was Dave such an anal asshole? Why was that guy on "I Dream of Genie" such a monumental asshole?! Why can't Genies come from lamps that don't look like teapots? I wonder if there are any mermaids... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 10:50 AM | add or view comments (9) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

About this Blog

I sit up here, taking up space in my spaceship, while observing planet earth with all its quirky whats, whatnots, and what-have-yous, and I attempt to solve all the world's problems with mental duct tape and saran wrap. The solutions to all the wurl's woes can be found here in cryptic candy coding. (Like The Da Vinci Code starring Forrest Gump.) If you can't see the answers, your questioning comes into question.

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