I was offered the job as head of Homeland Security, but I had to turn it down. You see, many of the prostitutes working for me are illegal immigrants. Sign in to see full entry.
Little Bow Peep done lost her sheep. It isn't the first time. The bitch is so absent-minded, she needs a Global Positioning Device just to track her ass-crack. Between you and I, I think the sheep are trying to lose her. She's all crooked upstairs is what I'm trying to tell you. You know how some... Sign in to see full entry.
I wanted the sky to be purple. I really did! But politics got in the way, as is usually the case. Okay, picture this: you’re busy creating the universe, right? Trying to figure out how many rings to put on Saturn, making sure the Big Dipper isn't too close to The Little Dipper, in order to prevent... Sign in to see full entry.
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. In the foreseeable fishbowl we're all just floundering. I can't hear a thing because of all the sound. I'm optimistically doubtful. But gravity doesn't get me down. What's the purpose of our purpose? Why are we here? In a life full of strife;... Sign in to see full entry.
This is the ol redneck playlist. It's very tasteless and immature, but you expect nothing less from me I hope. If you're offended by any of this, check your neck. Song Title Artist "Inbreeding Is A Relative Term" - Three Necked Monster "Your Snatch Tastes Just like My Sister's" - Rear Window... Sign in to see full entry.
Go up to somebody and say to them "Can I ask you a question?" When they say yes, say, "Thanks," and then just walk away. Sign in to see full entry.
Three Spirits... Well, actually, two and a half; The Ghost of Christmas Procrastination gave me a raincheck. I guess I've had a little too much Christmas spirit lately. I would really be dreaming of dancing sugarplums if I knew what the hell a sugarplum was. I'm familiar with the term "sugarplum... Sign in to see full entry.
There's no such thing. Sign in to see full entry.
When I was in the sanitarium for talking to people who weren't there, one of the people who was actually there was a guy who called himself Saint Nick the Sanitarium Santa. Nick used to break into people's houses the night before Christma s and take everybody's presents. He would put coal and... Sign in to see full entry.
Someone cut the ribbon while I cut the cheese. I went away. (Awhich away did you go?) I went long ago and faraway. Took a hiatus to Hades, roasted some marshmallows, temporarily enjoyed my eternal suffering, then journeyed back to the Blog Ways. You can check out anytime you'd like, but you can... Sign in to see full entry.