Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Saturday, April 20, 2013

First Prize

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap against a tree. As he slept, two female tourists heard his loud snoring. When they found him, one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, April 19, 2013

talk about service!

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd... Sign in to see full entry.

Reverse psychology

It's closing time, and two drunks are getting ready to leave the bar. "God, I hate getting home at this hour. All I want to do is take my shoes off and crawl into bed, but Hailey always nags me for what seems like hours". "Sneaking's not the way to do it. Try slamming the front door, stomping... Sign in to see full entry.

How to impress

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN: * Compliment her * cuddle her * kiss her * caress her * love her * stroke her * tease her * comfort her * protect her * hug her * hold her * spend money on her * wine & dine her * buy things for her * listen to her * care for her * stand by her * support her * go to the ends... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Keep pouring

A guy walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender asks, "What'll it be?" The guy responds, "Double Scotch." The bartender gives him a double scotch and the guy swallows it in one gulp and then proceeds to look into his shirt pocket. The guy looks back up and says, with a look of pure discussed,... Sign in to see full entry.

Hungover and wondering

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to... Sign in to see full entry.

RELAX!

An old but still ruggedly handsome Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Better version of me

"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man. "Sounds... Sign in to see full entry.

2 deaf men

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble." The second deaf man signed back, "Boy you're lucky. My wife was wide awake,... Sign in to see full entry.

Pretend Marriage

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk... Sign in to see full entry.