Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Monday, August 10, 2015

finding love

An elderly pair (he a widower, she a widow) meet in a retirement village. They seem to hit it off; they share each other's values, enjoy the same jokes, and find pleasure in each other's company. After a few months, the widower asks for the hand of the widow in marriage. She appears hesitant and... Sign in to see full entry.

marriage

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Signs you are a government employee

1. You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title is an acronym. 2. You can name the project leader of more than 10 projects including your own, but still can't explain in the simplest terms what they do. 3. The process becomes more important than the product. 4. You've sat at the same... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Smuggling

*Juan the Smuggler* Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. A guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?" "Sand," answered Juan. The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he... Sign in to see full entry.

police!

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

For all the Canadians on blogit

These questions about Canada were posted on an international tourism website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Canuck. Q: I have never seen it warm on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. Q: Will I be able to... Sign in to see full entry.

What kills you?

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

eavesdropping

A Bus stops and two men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: Emma come first, Den I come.? Den two asses come togeder. I come once-a-mora.?... Sign in to see full entry.

Tell the truth!

The Alabama preacher said to his Congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, August 3, 2015

300%

A woman tells her doctor, "My husband is 300% impotent. The doctor asks her, "I'm not quite sure what you mean. Could you elaborate?" She replies, "Well, the first part you can imagine, but he also burned his tongue and broke his finger." Sign in to see full entry.