Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Thursday, May 12, 2016

blind

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose. 'Oh please excuse me,' said the bunny. 'I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see.' 'That's perfectly all right,' replied the snake. 'To be... Sign in to see full entry.

measuring

Eino and Toivo, two upper Michigan handymen were hired to paint a flag pole and were going to be paid by the inch. As they were standing at the base of the flagpole looking up, trying as they may to figure how much to charge, a young woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We are supposed... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

the media

A Harley rider is passing the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage, and hits the lion... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, May 9, 2016

linguistics

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. "However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, May 8, 2016

you won't be going to championships if...

0. Your top player scores 20 points a game, but most of them are in the wrong basket. 9. You spend most of the game guarding the mascot. 8. Some of the players joined the team for the free headbands. 7. Instead of drinking Gatorade, team uses timeouts to moisturize. 6. Typical motivational speech:... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, May 6, 2016

your parrot died

At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Senor Humphrey? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country house." "Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died" "My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

golfing

Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot. So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Riders

After a round of golf, four ladies sat around the club house, chatting. Seeing the ladies, the Pro approached them and asked: "How did your game go? The first lady, a brunette, said she had a good round... making the comment that she actually had 25 riders. The Pro was a bit perplexed not knowing... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, May 2, 2016

sigh...athlete quotes

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me." 2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.." 3.... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, May 1, 2016

golf resort

A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun. He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a... Sign in to see full entry.