Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Cat resolutions...what do you think Mr Graysome?

5. I will not demand to get out the minute after I come in � and visa versa. 4. I will not scratch wallpaper, curtains, furniture, clothing or my scratch pad. 3. I will not annoy the dog next door (unless I’m in a bad mood) 2. I will come when my human calls me (occasionally) and the Number One New... Sign in to see full entry.

Pet New Year's Resolutions

15. I will not eat other animals' poop. 14. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop. 13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, December 28, 2015

Sick of the Holidays

8. You've got red and green bags under your eyes 7. You're serving reindeer pot pie 6. When you hear, "Sleigh bells ring, are you listenin'?," you scream, "No! I'm not listening!" 5. You climb on your roof and start shooting carolers with your air gun 4. You think you hear your Christmas tree... Sign in to see full entry.

Signs You Bought a Lousy Tree

8. Two feet tall, forty feet wide 7. Salesman's opening line: "You're not a cop, are you?" 6. It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers 5. While you sleep, it gets liquored up and takes the family caravan for a joy ride. 4. Each branch has "Duraflame" printed on it. 3.... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, December 27, 2015

knock knock adnohr

Knock Knock Who's there? Wenceslas Wenceslas who? Wenceslas train home? Knock Knock Who's there? Snow Snow who? Snow business like show business! Knock Knock Who's there? Wayne Wayne who? Wayne in a manger...! Knock Knock Who's there? Donut Donut who? Donut open till Christmas! Sign in to see full entry.

night after christmas

'Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler. The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy. The kids they weren't talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas they said they had had in their... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, December 26, 2015

'twas

'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse. Instructions were studied and we were inspired, In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required." The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds, While Dad and I faced the evening with... Sign in to see full entry.

reindeer

One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer's hoof. As he handed... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, December 25, 2015

shoes

"Here's a Christmas request I can't give," Santa said to Mrs. Claus. "Why not?" asked Mrs. Claus. "Here, read the letter." Dear Santa, Will you please bring me some crocodile shoes for Christmas? Thanks, Pete "But you have lots of crocodile shoes," said Mrs. Claus. "Why can't you give him a pair?"... Sign in to see full entry.

Top Ten Things To Say About A Christmas Gift You Don't Like

10. Hey! There's a gift! 9. Well, well, well... 8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit. 7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement. 6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires. 5. If the dog buries it, I'll... Sign in to see full entry.