What Happened When The CityBoy Moved to TheCountry

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Are You Ready? Here we go!

In this godforsaken shack that The Monster and I claim as our residence, there is a slender room that serves as the back entryway. It is a barrier between our kitchen and the great outdoors that I prefer to regard as our breakfast nook. Though in actuality, the small room is what countryfolk... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

I don't know WHAT he is

When the weekend began with The Monster suggesting that he take his sweetheart (that would be me) to the movie theater to see Brokeback Mountain, I would have never believed that I would be seeing the film while cuddling up to two lesbians whom I had never met before. But, that's exactly what... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

The Monster's Attempt to do Brokeback Mountain

Somehow I had convinced The Monster to allow me to purchase tickets for the 7:15pm showing of Brokeback Mountain. With almost five hours to spare, we drove back to the country, walked the dogs, and took a short nap before returning to the theater. The parking lot was as jammed as it was earlier in... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

IF IT WEREN'T FOR ALL THESE STRAIGHT PEOPLE !

"WELCOME TO REGAL CINEMAS," a loud voice boomed through the humongous lobby of the multiplex. "IF YOU'RE STANDING IN LINE FOR THE 2:00PM SHOWING OF BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, ALL SHOWS ARE SOLD OUT UNTIL 7:15PM." Despite being informed by a faceless voice that the movie was sold out, The Monster and... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Her name was GUTTER SLUT

Could there be a bigger injustice to all mankind! I looked at my monitor in disbelief, and for one brief moment, six words jumped out at me, filling my computer screen with an unimaginable font size. YOU'VE BEEN OUTBID BY ANOTHER BIDDER My index finger burned as I maneuvered my mousey-pointer-thing... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, January 16, 2006

COOL BLUE

I watched my computer screen with anticipation, nervously rapping my fingers against the wooden surface of my desk. There was only three minutes left in the auction; the shiny little Suzuki Sidekick would soon be mine. Though I had been watching the vehicle's auction for days, I hadn't placed a bid... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Newer Cars in Greener Pastures

The catalyst of my craving to purchase a new automobile was a brief moment of vivid reality that smacked me in the face as I was glancing out my kitchen window one evening. My eyes fell upon the three automobiles parked on the gravel driveway next to the house. My fleet of vehicles--an old... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

There's just something wrong about that

A look of embarrassment came over The Monster's face when I pushed opened the door to the bathroom. There he was, standing in front of the toilet, and I had walked in on him while he was doing something very wrong. The Monster peeped shyly back at me like a child whom had just gotten caught stealing... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, January 7, 2006

I guess you've been wondering where I've been

OFFBEATS Look! Here's someone who can help you! A group of internet surfers look up, then bow out of the scene. Suddenly Lensman appears in the scene. CAMERA back to left, behind heads of bowing Internet Surfers as Lensman moves down the steps and up onto the platform to Joe_Love, Offbeats,... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Night of the Boxers

I was unaware that on the same evening I planned to unveil and innocently model my naughty breathalizer boxers was the world premier of the Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie Bloodsuckers. By the time I realized this monumental piece of cinematography was about to begin, it was too late. I had already... Sign in to see full entry.

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