What Happened When The CityBoy Moved to TheCountry

Thursday, January 25, 2007

THE GAY COLOGNE SALESMAN FROM HELL

This Gay-Ass Queen hanging behind the cologne counter at Marshall Fields had to be at least 35 years old. If he wasn't, he either had a whole bunch of kids or he had been smoking heavily for years. Since a single pack of cigarettes cost a bit more than $7.00 a pack in Chicago, I doubted that he was... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Joe_Love at 11:37 PM Country Comments (23) (permalink)

Sunday, January 21, 2007

YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!

"Georgia just called me." I said to The Monster. "She did?" he answered apprehensively. "Uh-huh." I replied. "Evidently, she doesn't feel you're capable of cooking your own dinner while I'm out of town, so she's cooked you a casserole or something like that. But, when she brought it over to the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Joe_Love at 6:28 PM Country Comments (28) (permalink)

Friday, January 19, 2007

SNICKERS BARS versus TAKE 5 BARS

It became apparent to me that Georgia was riffling through my garbage cans when one holiday she bestowed upon me a gift basket containing a buttload of my favorite candy bars. I had never eaten a candy bar in front of Georgia since moving to Bumfolk! Had my favorite bar been Snickers, I might have... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Joe_Love at 11:01 PM Country Comments (20) (permalink)

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

SELF-CLEANING TRASHCANS

"Just make sure that you put it in the bottom of one of the trashcans," I instructed The Monster as I handed him the plate of cookies. "Then, cover it up real good with some of our other trash." Like the sometimes well-trained servant that he is, The Monster dropped Georgia's cookies into a plastic... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Joe_Love at 11:24 PM Country Comments (13) (permalink)

Monday, January 15, 2007

STRAWBERRY AND PINK

"Hello?" "Is Mr. Monster available?" There was a long pause (on my part). It was yet another young woman boasting a thick Indian accent calling my home. "This is Mr. Monster," I replied. "This is Neela from Weeno Whenuite Pharmacy. We are calling to see if you need to order any medications today?"... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Joe_Love at 6:45 PM Country Comments (15) (permalink)

Friday, January 12, 2007

What Happens When A Monster Loses His Diet Pills

"I told you, I don't want to buy an medications from you! Don't call my house again!" The Monster barked into the telephone. He was quiet for a moment as he listened to what the unyielding pharmaceutical telemarketer said. Then, he barked again. "Listen, I just got back from picking up some big... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Joe_Love at 7:35 AM Country Comments (21) (permalink)

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

CHING CHANG CHUNG CHENG CHOO

"Ching chang chung cheng choo...." That was what the female voice coming from the earpiece of my telephone said after I answered with a hasty, "Hello?" I had been in the kitchen when my brand new AT&T Trimline (the only thing new in this godforsaken house) rang. I dashed into the living room to... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Joe_Love at 2:05 AM Country Comments (19) (permalink)

Thursday, January 4, 2007

MY WRITING IS SH*T !!!

Sometimes upon completion of a story, I will print a copy of the text I have written. Then, I will walk around the house, carefully reading every sentence and making sure each paragraph flows into the next. It was during the first step of this routine--the actual printing of my page--that I... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Joe_Love at 8:26 PM Country Comments (33) (permalink)

Sunday, December 31, 2006

Three Resolutions for 2007

As 2006 comes to an end, I reflect upon the year and must admit that not much has happened over the last 365 days. My life is pretty much the same as it was exactly a year ago--which might be a good thing, and might not be a good thing. So, as I ponder the official beginning of 2007, I've decided to... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Joe_Love at 4:52 PM Country Comments (38) (permalink)

Monday, December 25, 2006

MERRY CHRISTMAS, BLOGIT. From My Family to Yours.

I had decided several weeks ago to get The Monster a very special present for Christmas 2006. I wanted to get him something that he would treasure for many years to come. Though I was aware of a flea market vendor who was selling a complete set of Sci-Fi Channel Original Movies collector plates, I... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Joe_Love at 4:50 PM Country Comments (43) (permalink)