The Flatliner Diaries

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Do People Call You To Talk To You About The Weather?

The other day the mother-in-law called and wanted to know about the storms hitting Atlanta. She gave my son the third degree. Kept telling him that he could tell her if anything was wrong. He kept telling her that there was nothing going on. He hangs up and she calls back, asking to speak to me. I... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez Shot Off His Mouth Yesterday

And the entire world rejoiced when a subsequent search turned up nothing. The now silent Chavez has written several suicide notes since the incident, saying that he doesn't want to live in a world where he can't hear his own voice. Officials close to Chavez reported the injured president was not... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

The Crocodile Hunter's Son Was Bitten Last Week By A Boa...

At the risk of sounding callous, that apple didn't fall too far from the tree... Shhhhh. Weee-ah sneakin' up on a raa fulm of human baying. Ay's jus lyeek 'is fahthuh, a bluh-ooomin' eediot. Theyah be no Day-uhn-Ayee tests nayded heah... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, February 22, 2008

What Good Can Come Out Of The Belgrade Embassy Burning?

In article after article and even on CNN, one of the things mentioned in most of the stories about the rioting and American embassy burning in Belgrade, Serbia, on Thursday was the burning and destruction done to a nearby McDonald's. Tell me it ain't so!! A McDonald's? How will life go on in... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Fidel Castro Resigns Short Of Fiftieth Anniversary

He couldn't wait another year? What the hell? And here I'd done gone and hired a contractor to paint all the tank turrets gold for the damned parade!!! Now I've got to call Hugo and tell him to call off the fifty strippers... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, February 15, 2008

I Keep Tellin' Ya, Bubba, I Ain't No Critter !!

What's the deal with people burdening their fellow humans with beastly adjectives and descriptive nouns? Is it some atavistic psychological connection we have with our primitive past? Or is it just simply easier to call someone a name that devolves them quickly to an animal state, lessening their... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Amy Winehouse Wins How Many Grammys?

Winning one was way too damned many for that atonal asinine song... and that rehab-residing moron. Look, the woman hasn't been out of rehab since the song became popular... well, for a couple days here and there maybe... Anyway, the words should have been: "I just wanna go to rehab... yeah, yeah,... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Hey, Did Anyone See The Groundhog Or His Shadow?

You know, of all the traditions in the United States, the Groundhog's Day thing has got to be the most nationally known eccentric holiday. I mean, really, judging the prolonging of winter on whether or not a groundhog can ascertain his shadow? What nonsense. Anyway, I didn't even pay attention to... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

More Asinine Legislation From The United States Congress

"Have you heard this story? They're trying to pass a bill now that allows politicians to insist that they be addressed by gender-neutral titles. Is that really necessary? I mean, don't we already have gender neutral titles for politicians? 'Crook,' 'liar,' 'adulterer,' 'pinhead,' 'moron,' these are... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Rudy Giuliani Said That He Believed In Giving 100%

At the press conference where Giuliani told reporters he was endorsing Senator John McCain, he said he believed in giving 100% to every thing he did. Yes, and it was his 100% in Iowa, New Hamphire, Michigan, Nevada, Wyoming, and South Carolina that got him a 15% third-place finish in the Florida... Sign in to see full entry.

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