"Brief Encounters"

So very often I have written in my Diary:"Where did those fifty minutes go?" I also see from my notes how much time-throughout my life-I have spent simply 'waiting'.Time has played a crucial part in my life and I think-in retrospect-that I had a 'fear' of time! However-in the here and now and for... Sign in to see full entry.

continued---- I felt so abandond over Christmas by Bruce.Such a 'scarry' time! I was angry at everyone and everything! Diary entry says:"Just got to survive 'til Wednesday 6th.January." I had not realised that I had become so dependent on Bruce!And so-the first year of therapy has come to an... Sign in to see full entry.

This has been a really tough year for me. I have not been used to sharing my thoughts and feelings-with anyone.I looked back to see some of the issues we've covered during our first year of working together. Psychotherapy December 28th. 1998 Psychotherapy-gently-slyly-extracts each memory.... Sign in to see full entry.

Almost a year into therapy and I have spent much time looking at what I have lost. What I have missed. Recognising emotions that I never had the means to explore before. I have been asking: 'Why?','What if?'. What If? December 1998. What if the start to my life had been different? What if I'd been... Sign in to see full entry.

For as long as I can recall I have been extremely manic-throughout each December. I attempted to 'put on a brave face'-hide behind my 'mask' and deny my feelings of desperation and isolation.This is the first time I have acknowledged and faced-the sadness and pain! Christmas Time. December 4th.... Sign in to see full entry.

No 'Diary' entry here.This was realy a 'follow-up of the last three 'Marion's'.One of the family suggested I should 'forgive' marion-my biological-(cell)- mother. I was no where near ready!! Forgive! It's Christmas. December 1998. Forgive her? Just because it's Christmas? No- that's impossible to... Sign in to see full entry.

Each time I discover such deeply buried emotional pain as those last three poems contained, I have to face my anger and very often there is one person that comes into focus. The woman that gave birth to me; my 'cell mother'! As I was brought up by foster parents, occasionally there is cause to... Sign in to see full entry.

Almost forty years has passed-since the birth of my first and illegitimate baby,(d.o.b.23rd.10.'1959).It was also forty years before I had found an 'opportunity' to actually face,acknowledge,talk and begin to deal with the emotional trauma of being forced to give him up for adoption! To work with... Sign in to see full entry.

So Little Time Today-I know there is so little time-for just six weeks-I called this new life-MINE! Legs in stirrups-pained and frightened-finger draped in gold band-- just to fool the world around me that-indeed-there was a man! So much Beauty-such perfection-so much joy-such love to hold! A wealth... Sign in to see full entry.

This is the first of three poems which were triggered by looking back at my experiences of being raped during the early stages of my pregnancy.This one-(and the second one)- represents my discovery of why I hated Christmas. The third one was an attempt to help me to resolve an extremely painfull... Sign in to see full entry.