What Happened When The CityBoy Moved to TheCountry

By Joe_Love - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Monday, October 17, 2005

Where did THIS come from!

I was racing along the rolling highway in my little red car. I had the windows rolled down, and I was relishing the fresh country air. Geri Halliwell's Scream If You Wanna Go Faster cd was whirling away in my player, and I laughed at the notion that this was probably the first time a blaring Shake... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, October 14, 2005

What I Learned About Placentas

Sierra began giving birth to her puppies about 11:30pm on Saturday Night. I was sitting in front of my computer reading blogs, engrossed in one blogger's story about finding mysterious crust-things on her walls and her struggle to train her husband to use Kleenex (or something like that), when I... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Minty Fresh

The Monster's eyes grew as big as saucers when I handed him the thermometer. He glanced back at me. Panic was written all over his face, as if I had just whacked him upside the head with a two-by-four. "Sierra's going to have her pups within 24 hours," he said in astonishment. "Yes, she will be," I... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, October 7, 2005

The Sex Vaseline Jar

"There's a jar of vaseline on the nightstand," The Monster said. I shot him a look that said exactly 36 words: We will not be using vaseline from our SEX VASELINE JAR to lubricate the rectal thermometer for Sierra! I can't believe you were stupid enough even to suggest such a thing! Realizing his... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

One by One They Disappeared

Goose eggs are bulky--at least three times the size of a normal chicken egg. The creature that had stolen the egg couldn't have simply picked it up and carried it off somewhere else, unless its mouth was the size of a bear's mouth. The shell would have had to be broken first. The mystery of the... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

I Hope We Don't Have to Talk About This Again!

Certainly anyone driving down the highway past my home would have slowed his car and peered curiously at the spectacle I was making of myself. I swung the bat wildly at the goose, as if I were a blindfolded child swinging madly at a pinata. The goose never took flight as I shooed it all of the way... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Hail to The Queen!

I pushed open the screen door, allowing the dogs to dash through the opening before stepping outside myself. As soon as my feet hit the soft green grass, before I even had a chance to let the back door slam shut behind me, I heard a loud hiss. I jumped. My eyes darted in every direction, trying to... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, September 16, 2005

She called my dog a Bitch!

Since The Monster had been in California on business and I had been summonsed to Myrtle Beach for a few days, we found ourselves in the uncomfortable position of having to board Sierra and Sinatra in a kennel. Being that we have only lived in the country for about 18 months, this had been the dogs... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Joe Love vs. Erica Kane

I had been dawdling for weeks, reluctant to call Dr. Penny with the news of my little Maltese's pregnancy. Dr. Penny is Sierra and Sinatra's veterinarian who bears a striking resemblance to Susan Lucci. I laid on my couch, as if its comfort would somehow ease the humility, grabbed my cellphone and... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Oomp Loompa Oompety Do

I have been avoiding calling our veterinarian to inform her that Sierra has become impregnated. Despite her encouragement to have both of my little dogs fixed, The Monster and I find ourselves facing the stark reality that our little snow girl is getting ready to toss four or five Big Macs onto the... Sign in to see full entry.

Headlines (What is this?)