Guy's blog about life with pets in northern mich.

A night or two ago I wrote a new aquaintance that the only way I thought people were going to click on my submissions would be I began with a trick title like, "The Pope's secret love children!" Or,'The Butterfly Position,' for FANTASTIC SEX!" Foutunately for us all, I would never stoop to such tactics! I have stayed in touch with my best friend with whom I attended school, many years ago. Recently while we talked about his health problems, I couldn’t resist reminding him that, “I did warn both... Sign in to see full entry.

Isn’t it nice when it’s Friday night? The whole weekend, spread out before me, a blank slate, with me holding a new piece of chalk. Damn! I dropped the chalk. Okay, the chalk’s a little shorter, but one end sorta has a point, now……………………What do you mean it’s Monday! That’s not funny. You’re serious! Oh no! It’s happened again! Lately I’ve been experiencing weekend long comas, and not the kind that result from being “over-served.” I plan to accomplish several important projects that have been... Sign in to see full entry.

Anna Nicole Smith had four possible fathers of her infant daughter, (so far) perhaps more. Her name has changed at least three times but I wonder if she ever did. Guess Jeans executives suggested that she become Anna Nicole. Her first choice, (Rosie Roundheeled Mattressburnback) was probably too long for their ads. What a circus this is, and will be for years to come. I have heard that we should each find out what we are good at, and stick to it. She really took this advice to heart didn’t she?... Sign in to see full entry.

About six weeks ago I learned that Anna Nicole Smith has died. Marilyn came through the door a minute later and I told her about it. She asked how she had died. I said, ”Too much air in her head. This means Donnie is also in danger!” Her head isn’t the only part of her body that seemed to be inflated. (T&A) Sell all your Trimspa stock, immediately, Dad! It is a snake-bit stock now. $423 million, an unknown father of her only surviving child (that I am engaged to marry) on her 18 th birthday,... Sign in to see full entry.

Blue days, Black nights, Dark thoughts Why do people insist on shining a ray of darkness into my life? It’s times like this I think, “ The seconds flew by like hours!” It is “Hear no evil”, not “ Do evil, if it works for you.” Usually, all the good one does, does no good. Does everyone but me have “scrap gold?” Does having “scrap gold “ make one a success, or an idiot? WHAT makes gold anything SCRAP!!!?….. DYSLECTICS OF THE WORLD, UNTIE! Why do I have this perverse desire to (fill in the blank)?... Sign in to see full entry.

I know that I am immortal but it would appear that I am not immune to not so subtle signs that I am becoming older. This makes no sense to me because I have a covered portrait of myself in the attic, like Dorian Grey. That reminds me, gray hair is supposed to be confined to one’s head! I refuse to say where they are showing up on me, but let’s just say, it is south of my head. And I have also discovered THREE(!) small age spots on the back of my left hand. These have shown up in the last few... Sign in to see full entry.

Everyone tells me, ”The early bird gets the worm”, while I’m thinking,” The mouse that slept in gets the cheese, and if I get up early, there had better be much tastier stuff for breakfast than worms!” or they say, “Hard work pays off in the end,” while I’m thinking, “Being lazy pays off right now!” I wonder why hookers don’t like to snuggle?” Why are they called ” blow jobs”? If something is bad, why do we say, “That really sucks! “, when even babies know that sucking is good? When someone... Sign in to see full entry.

Wow, it’s 2007! When I was a kid, the thought that I would be sitting somewhere, looking back at more than half a century of life would have been a surprise. We had been trained to “duck and cover”, meaning hide under those little desks and cover our heads, at school. We would know to do this, because of the white flash that precedes a nuclear blast shock wave. Even small children knew that our desks would protect nobody. Those old films of houses, trees, even large warships being utterly... Sign in to see full entry.

Yesterday I told Marilyn that I was about to show Baby, our wimpy little dog, how to get a better head start on the black squirrels stealing food from our deer feed pile. The path is shaped like an inverted letter “Y” with the branching end pointed at the house. When the dog makes a run at his imagined victims, he always starts down the straight leg leading from the house letting himself be seen from 60 yards. Of course he never gets close. I told Marilyn that I would carry Baby onto the side... Sign in to see full entry.

I know that my cat is on her last legs; she slips off the edge of the wood-box, now. This would never happen during her youth…… never! As much pleasure and pride as she takes from catching a mouse, she is apparently overwhelmed by an exponentially possible reproduction rate that has reached the tipping point. She was good, but it has been awhile since I’ve heard her, “I just killed a rodent!” yowl. We thought that we’d nip the problem, budwise, at the first sign of a possible infiltrator, and... Sign in to see full entry.