Sunday, January 30, 2005My Ideal GirlfriendOne of life’s biggest disappointments is the total lack of any customisable girlfriend facilities. You know, we can blast satellites into space and send remote controlled toasters to Mars. We can even wipe entire countries off the map with a few well placed atomic bombs. Heck, we even have the... Sign in to see full entry.Saturday, January 29, 2005The Ignorant American.After yesterday’s post I turned off the computer and spent some quality time with my Robo Wank machine (well it was Friday night). When I returned to Blogit this morning I found I had been left a lot of disgruntled comments from several bloggers. Of course, mocking the "disabled" was never going to... Sign in to see full entry.Friday, January 28, 2005DISABLED PARKING SPACES: AN ETERNAL SYMBOL OF STUPIDITY.Parking a car can often be a serious pain in the arse. Having to circle endlessly around a public car park looking for a space is as entertaining as punching yourself in the face. It’s a strenuous game usually played with a strict time limit. You think you see one but it’s occupied by a smaller car.... Sign in to see full entry.Saturday, January 22, 2005I Need Assurance From People I Don’t KnowOne of the great things about the Internet is it affords people like me another opportunity to seek assurance from people I will never meet in real life. See, I enjoy being one of those people who criticise myself in the hope that someone will respond by dismissing my criticisms before heaping... Sign in to see full entry.Friday, January 21, 2005My Robo-Wank MachineLast night on the Internet, possibly under the influence of some natural flavoured smoke, I ordered myself a Robo-Wank machine. Said machine apparently increases penis size as well as emulating perfect oral sex. And what a bargain it was, too, costing only sixty pounds. That’s about $120 USD.... Sign in to see full entry.Thursday, January 20, 2005Is 2006 Going To Be The End Of The World?According to an encoded Bible message, there will be an atomic holocaust in the year 2006. This information came from the pretentious cretin who wrote the Bible Code books, Michael Drosnin. Drosnin has found many messages hidden in the Bible that relate to events which have already taken place. For... Sign in to see full entry.Wednesday, January 19, 2005How Embarrassing.After getting back from work this evening I re read the prior post. I felt embarrassed by it, because it reminded me of a big girl who was crying about wetting her knickers. More importantly, why would I even care to mention it? It’s the kind of thing I should be making fun of... At the time of... Sign in to see full entry.Saturday, January 15, 2005You Are As Good As Anyone Else.Everyone is familiar with the feelings associated with meeting someone you really like, as in really like. Excitement turns into nervousness and anxiety as your mind seeks to perfect your physical appearance and contain your nerves before meeting that special person. In some situations, we meet... Sign in to see full entry.Thursday, January 13, 2005British Mystery: Royally Gay?I’d like to think I’m a reasonably aware person, possibly intelligent enough to hold a 5 minute conversation with someone who would normally read the Financial Times, and other such shit. But on the other hand, there are just some things that I don’t have any knowledge on at all. Ironically, most of... Sign in to see full entry.Wednesday, January 12, 2005White People: Scum.The human race is a colourful mix of people. We have black people, brown people, cappuccino coloured people, yellow people, glow in the dark people (albinos), and then we have white people, made from all the left over genetic shit. The “white human race” can be proud of itself for producing so many... Sign in to see full entry. |