Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Saturday, March 16, 2013

if only this was true

Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, "As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children." St. Peter lets him enter. The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives." St.... Sign in to see full entry.

Dog??s Life

A poodle and a collie were walking down the street. The poodle turned to the collie and complained, "My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is having an affair with a German shepherd, and I'm nervous as a cat." "Why don't you go see a psychiatrist?" asked the collie. "I can't," replied... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, March 15, 2013

you tell me!

A well dressed, debonair man in his mid nineties enters an upscale cocktail lounge and finds a seat next to a good looking, younger woman in her mid eighties, at the most. Trying to remember his best pick-up line, he says, "So tell me, do I come here often?" Sign in to see full entry.

ATTA Boy!

Having lost most of his hearing a number of years ago, this elderly man goes to the doctor to be fitted with hearing aids which promise to allow him to hear 100%. A month later, he returns to the doctor for a check up on his progress. The doctor tells him that his hearing is perfect and asks if his... Sign in to see full entry.

Oh ...that is so not polite!

A guy walked up to a beautiful young woman in a bar. "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" he said to her. "I don't know," replied the beautiful young woman. "It depends how personal it is." "OK," the guy said. "How many men have you slept with?" "I'm not going to tell you that!" the woman... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Get out of jail free...

Two guys get busted for smoking dope, so they have to go into court on a Friday. They go to court and the judge says, "If you can convince more than 5 people to stop doing drugs for the rest of their lives, you won't be sent to jail." So the two men agree and the judge tells them to come back on... Sign in to see full entry.

Whoops!

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his... Sign in to see full entry.

Appointments

One night, as a couple lies down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Boobies

This is a joke my husband told me after I shared the crisco joke with him.... A woman was on the bus carrying her pet dog Boobie. The dog jumped from her arms and she yelled "Oh please help me! Please catch my Boobie!" Of course all the men were more than happy to oblige her. And thats when the... Sign in to see full entry.

Life's Cycle

At age 4...success is...not peeing in your pants. At age 10...success is...making your own meals. At age 12...success is...having friends. At age 16...success is...having a drivers license. At age 20...success is...having sex. At age 35...success is...having money. At age 50...success is...having... Sign in to see full entry.