Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Friday, October 18, 2013

Farmer Brown

Farmer Brown decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Brown. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" asked the lawyer.... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Are you ready to be released?

A man who had been in a mental home for some years finally seemed to have improved to the point where it was thought he might be released. The head of the institution, in a fit of commendable caution, decided, however, to interview him first. "Tell me," said he, "if we release you, as we are... Sign in to see full entry.

Today's Stock Market Report:

Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up... Sign in to see full entry.

Do you recognize any of these?

Here’s a little clarification of corporate lingo. COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY: We have no time to train you+- CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up-well, a couple of the real daring... Sign in to see full entry.

gotcha says mom

A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke. His Mother said, "Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?" "Uhh, oh yeah, O.K."... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Mind games at the office

Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them... Sign in to see full entry.

10 things you won't say to the boss but might be thinking it

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is always refreshing. 2. If it's really a "rush job," run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That greatly aids my efficiency. 3. Always leave without telling... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

English

he European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a... Sign in to see full entry.

Surgery no nos

Things you don't want to hear during surgery: Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy. "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness." Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog! Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that? Hand me that... uh... that uh... that thingy there. Oh no!... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

New Kind of Farming

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him. The... Sign in to see full entry.