Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Saturday, June 14, 2014

did he really say that!

While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going! I told you to turn right onto... Sign in to see full entry.

thrifty

A young man bought an expensive piece of jewelry as a present for his girlfriend. “Don’t you want her name engraved on it?” asked the clerk. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the realistic, steadfastly replied, “No, just engrave it: To My One and Only Love. That way, if we break up... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, June 13, 2014

smarty pants

Four people are in an airplane, the pilot, the smartest man in the world, the richest man in the world, and a punk teenager. The airplane experiences some difficulties, and the pilot informs the three passengers that the plane is going to crash, and there are only three parachutes on the plane. The... Sign in to see full entry.

married

“Now, that looks like a happily married couple.” Remarks the husband. “Don’t be too sure, my Dear. They are probable saying the same thing about us.” Replied his wife. Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

signs...everywhere signs!

In the front yard of a funeral home, "Drive carefully, we'll wait." In a nonsmoking area, "If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." On a maternity room door, "Push, Push, Push." On a front door, "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog." At... Sign in to see full entry.

how chicago braves the cold

60 above - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wooly hats. Chicago people sunbathe. 50 above - New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. Chicago people plant gardens. 40 above - Italian cars won't start. Chicago people drive with the windows down. 32 above - Distilled water freezes. Lake Michigan's water... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

who says flight attendants don't have a sense of humor?

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture", and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: 1. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said,... Sign in to see full entry.

want some nuts?

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up. After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of almonds. She... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, June 9, 2014

attn!

A voice on the office loudspeaker announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work properly in case of emergency." All our confidence in this safety precaution faded when the voice added: "If you are unable to hear this announcement, please contact us." Must be a blonde! Sign in to see full entry.

at the pulpit

A preacher was standing at the pulpit giving his Sunday sermon when a note was passed to him. The only word written on the sheet was IDIOT. Looking up at the congregation, the preacher smiled and said: I have heard of men who write letters and forget to sign their names but this is the first time I... Sign in to see full entry.