Monday, April 24, 2006

So I'm back from the shrink and...

A good, positive session. When, he asked me, is enough "enough."? I am someone who hates rows. At the same time, I am not someone to be trampled on. Being polite and assertive in the workplace is one thing; so much harder in the home environment. Time and time again I am sucked in; I really don't... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

One of the things

that you notice when you have been away for as long as I have, is that old friends fall by the wayside. You don't mean for it to happen, and neither do they, but it's hard to keep up any level of continuity by mail - even email. Letters are actually better, come to think of it, because you can... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, April 14, 2006


For what seems like the hundredth time, I am looking at things as they are and wondering where I go from here. Both my children are grown. I have one child who has known only this country since the age of three. I have another who lives in a different continent. It isn't exactly a normal family... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

A fairly typical day

5:55 am. I hit the snooze button for nine more minutes before I have to get up. 6:04 am. Shower, dress in the clothes I set out the night before. 6:35 am. Begin the drive to my office. Jockey for position with eighteen monster trucks to get into the electronic toll lane. 7:00 am. Say hello to the... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, April 10, 2006

The day the camera died

It was a beautiful, blindingly hot 5th of July, a last trip to Mathieson Hammock, which the older one vaguely remembered from ten years before, and the little one not at all. That October, they had splashed happily in the warm shallow water and made sandcastles. I know this, not just because that's... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, April 4, 2006

Time-travel without music

I truly don't remember much music in the hard electric light of the cafe we used to haunt while waiting for the bus. Vast plate-glass windows were always steamy, from warm bodies in their rain-damp clothing and the slightly nauseating fug of cigarette smoke, before anyone in 1970s England had ever... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, April 2, 2006

A Leonard Cohen moment

On my car radio today I heard a guitar rif, in a song unfamiliar to me, which reminded me of the opening of Leonard Cohen's Suzanne, not my favourite singer but so evocative.... Almost at once I was sixteen again, perhaps seventeen, a party at Petersfield, Hampshire - one of those... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, March 31, 2006

I began to wonder, when I got the roses

whether I would have to try to put everything behind me (as if one could) and give it one last chance. But I was very disturbed by their arrival, which clearly declared something, in a very public way... or was it only a gesture? Only a week later, I sit here in trepidation, after we have exchanged... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

The silence is deafening

from my last post. We'll try something else. I am not long home from work, I have the house to myself and it's pleasant. I have my cup of tea and a book, and the family will not want dinner for some time. It isn't that I'm not used to being by myself, but going back to work has meant less of the... Sign in to see full entry.

Moving along...

I have had some very nice comments to my first post. Sometimes you wonder if too much thinking is bad for you... Perhaps it's normal, in a long relationship, to reflect on the many years that have passed and to look at the future and wonder - where now? Our situation is complicated by moving around.... Sign in to see full entry.

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